• stickles and awkward moments

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It’s a damn good thing I love you, because you are sure one strange guy sometimes. ;D
    That being said, you are a huge idol in my life, and I love you dearly more and more everyday.

    Don’t ever leave my side dear boy.

    i’ve always loved you

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You scare me, and I like that feeling. The feeling of not knowing, because usually everything make sense. But you don’t.

    Just having feelings for you scares me, I’m afraid of who I am when I’m around you. No fronts, no pretending. I feel vulnerable and I can’t stand it. I wish it was just easy, that I could tell you and it would make it all go away. But it would only make it worse, and I can’t lose you any more than I already have.

    I denied it at first. I just liked you as a person. But the more I denied it the more I wanted to know everything about you. To be the person you couldn’t stop thinking about, to get inside you and make your skin crawl.

    But I had a boyfriend and you had a girlfriend. So it just seemed right to be your friend. I already cared about you and aren’t friends supposed to care about their friends?

    After a while I stopped thinking about it at all, but it was always there. I just figured you didn’t like me which made it easier to not do anything about how I was feeling. When I got pregnant I forgot about everything and everyone else entirely. And when I lost my son the first person I ran to was you.

    When you started using I stood by you and tried my damnedest to support you, but I couldn’t watch someone I loved kill themselves, unable to do anything, say anything or just even soothe your pain. I cut and run.

    I was good at inflicting pain on myself and others so I cut and run like I always do and watched from the side lines as you swung out over and over again, afraid I would just make it worse. Almost a year went by before I started wondering where you were, what you where doing, hoping you where the same person I knew, praying for it.

    So we talked and I supported you through your recovery, but every time we talked it was as if I was just a burden and you couldn’t be bothered to have anything to do with me or my problems and baggage. So I let go and moved forward with my life.

    And just a week ago I saw you for the first time in 14 months and it felt as if nothing had changed, you were the same guy I’ve always known. So why did you deny ever telling me you loved me when it came up? When your dad even told me you did, and why would you now after three and a half years tell me you liked me and then tell me I’m your past?

    It doesn’t make sense to me, I held it in and got over it so why shove it in my face. That hurt. I love you to death as a person. I am not in love with you but I will always love you. So why am I not good enough to be your friend all of a sudden? You know better than anyone that things happen that are out of our control, and if you just needed to see me to see if there was anything left why not say so. Why just lead me down the garden path emotionally, when you know I believe every word that pours from your lips.

    I hope you get it right one of these days and meet an amazing girl that appreciates your sensitive naïve nature and doesn’t abuse it like I did. I wish you the best in life, because one of these days I know you will realize how awesome you are and whom ever you end up with I’m already jealous of. You’re gunna make some one beyond happy one day and as much as I wish it could’ve been me I think I‘ve finally come to terms with what we had and I‘m thankful I knew you at all, And I love you beyond words for it. For being my confident and friend when I needed you.

    If I could do it over I’d be tempted to but I’m grateful for what we had. And though I may never be able to say it to your face I do love you. We just can’t go back too much has happened….


    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Dearest J,

    I love you and always will. You won’t talk to me. Every day since we parted, I’ve wanted so badly to say something to you, anything. Just to make things feel normal again. Just to have you to wrap me in your comfort. But I don’t have you anymore and it hasn’t even hit me yet.

    I’m so numb to all these emotions, the only thing I know to do is smile, and pray, that one day, you might find your way back into my arms. I always heard the third time is always a charm.


    To You, the One and Only

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments

    This letter is for you, my one and only,

    Not a day goes by that I do not long for your touch, your kiss that kept my heart alight. I think of you only twice a day: when my eyes are open and when my eyes are shut. I thank God everyday for how blessed He has made my life by putting you in it.

    I know you do not care for me as you used to show; I know that you are the only one that I see myself spending the rest of my time with on this earth; when someone like that comes along, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

    But things will never be the same between us, things have changed. You were my world, my everything; you were the one thing that lit up my world so I could see enough of the Love and Happiness in this life. You were it, you were all I’ve ever hoped to attain and more.

    You were the one, my soulmate; the other half to an otherwise incomplete set.

    I still love you with everything I am. There is always hope, however slight, that you still do too.

    Forever and Always,

    A boy from Arizona

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments


    I know that I am young but after meeting you I am sure that you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.

    You are perfect in almost every way. After seeing you for the second time I now know that this is love that I feel. We are 2000 miles away from each other and it tears my heart apart to know that I can’t hold you in my arms every night. This is love that I feel. I love you. It may be too soon to say such a thing, but it’s true. You captivate my heart with your charm. You’re the sweetest guy I have ever met, and I feel like the happiest girl in the world when I am with you. It is impossible to take away the smile on my face when I think about you.

    I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

    Not the religious type

    by  • September 30, 2010 • 0 Comments


    I’m sorry.

    I’m sorry I’m not religious enough for you. I tried. I still try.

    I’ve tried so hard to believe in this God you say is so truly amazing. But it’s hard when I feel like this. According to your theory, He should love me so much that I don’t hate myself anymore. But I do.

    The scary part is that you’re the only one that makes me happy. I haven’t seen you in a year and a half. The last time I saw you we were together, and now we aren’t. We still talk like best friends. Maybe we are. I’ve listened to all your girl problems and each time you say anything about another girl my heart cracks. It makes me sick, but I’d rather talk to you, so I take the pain.

    I know I drunk dial you and tell you that I’m still in love with you, and I’m sorry because it’s probably really awkward. But what you don’t know is that I’m about 8,000 times more honest when I’m drunk.

    Maybe if I see you again it’ll put my heart to rest and I’ll know for sure that we’re just not meant to be, that us being together isn’t a part of “God’s Plan”. But maybe we are. Maybe you don’t see it, or maybe you do. I have no idea. You won’t tell me. You’re too busy finding your religious, God-happy soulmate.

    I know you’ll never read this, but I wish you’d think about me the way you used to. I miss you. I miss us.