• The Mess I Made

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    J,

    I know I shouldn’t be writing this.

    It’s just opening up old wounds that have just begun to heal, but I can’t help it.

    I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this, and I really need to get this off my chest

    I know that breaking up was the right thing to do in the long run. I know that. I know that in the long run, we probably wouldn’t have worked out, and that it was better for the both of us. I know all of that. But that still doesn’t keep me from wishing I never did it in the first place.

    I also know that you are over me. I mean, I guess I don’t know, but I’ve pretty much assumed. You’ve never given me any reason of late to think that you weren’t over me. I mean, it’s been over a month since we broke up, and you seem fine, so it seems safe to think that you’re over me. That could be wrong, but still. I know I shouldn’t say this, because in the past I was wrong in thinking that you were over me, but I get the feeling that this time it’s the truth.

    I also know that I am so glad that over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been able to hang out a little and talk like normal. I’ve missed having you in my life so much, and I’m so glad you’re back in it, even if it’s nothing like it was before.

    (more…)

    crazy how things turn out

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Last summer was the best.

    I could say it was cause I met so many more people, but really the best part of the summer was getting to meet you.

    We started out as a drunk hook up but it turned into a great friendship. You were my first, that day was the first day I started loving you. You broke my heart the whole first semester of sophomore year, I cried so many times over your gay ass.

    Finally something happened and I became your booty call again, little did you know I loved you so much I could barely take it. I would hook up with other guys just cause I wanted to get your attention, but all that happened was I pissed you off ALOT.

    Thankfully December 17 I should have been studying for physics but that was the night I told you how I felt. I looked like a fool crying to you over skype, but I basically asked you out that night.

    (more…)

    Him

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Our ways were separated but then we met again.. Was it fate?

    One hug on that day changed everything.

    Even though there was someone else in both our lives, somehow somewhere.. it felt like I belonged to you. Why so? Tomorrow it’s going to be 2 weeks since we last talked.. you left. Did you get someone else? Did I do something wrong? I miss you aks, seriously. I can’t sleep, or when I do..I dream of you.

    Please come back! i love you.

    How did this happen?

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You are incredible, worth so much! How did I lose you so fast?

    We used to have everything that we needed to be happy. I don’t understand how we could drift apart. It seems like all it took was a day, but on that day I lost half of my heart. that half is always with you. We used to be absolutely perfect, and now we have moved on.

    I’m not sure if you feel the same way but even though we haven’t talked in almost two years, I still think of you most often of all.

    I still absolutely love you. I can’t deny that, all I can do is hide it from the girls that will never be able to truly replace you.

    I love you Bemo. Always…

    It’s been a year…

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Almost a year ago you saved my life.

    I wouldn’t admit it then and I hate admitting it now.

    But it’s true. When you told my parents I was cutting, you saved me.

    But now you’re gone. For some reason unknown to me, you’ve come to hate me. I know your girlfriend doesn’t like me, but why do you have to hate me, too?

    We were best friends. I could tell you anything and you knew me better than anyone else in the entire world. Only you could tell when I was lying and didn’t want people to know it. At times it felt like you knew me better than I even knew myself.

    So how could you come to believe I’m this evil person who wants nothing but to hurt you? Because I’ve never wanted that. I hate that I hurt you.

    I wish there was a chance we could be friends again. I wish we could talk like we used to. But most of all I wish you could forgive me. I truly never meant to hurt you. I love you too much to ever want that.

    Over a year ago you cheated on one of our best friends with me. I’d change it if I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry. I’ve done everything I could to make up for it.

    I miss my best friend.

    Can this be over now?

    Forgotten

    by  • September 9, 2010 • 0 Comments

    So I fell in love.

    Bad call on my part I guess.

    This isn’t something I’d normally do, but I wish you could have given me more of a chance than you did. Maybe this is partly my fault and I should have been more up-front with how I felt/feel, but this kind of thing isn’t exactly my specialty.

    I think the worse part of it all is now you seem to not even care that I exist. We didn’t exactly leave on bad terms, they were fine. I was devastated but I didn’t show it to you (or anyone for that matter).

    So I bring up the question of why you completely ignore me now. Seriously, you were probably the single nicest person I have ever met and I wouldn’t expect this from you.

    I wish things had turned out differently.

    More than you will ever know.