• I will love you always

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments


    My first kiss, my first date, my first boyfriend, my first and only true love.

    You gave me life. Everything was brighter. I never knew a feeling like the one you gave me. My life had meaning. It began the day I saw you. I lived to see your smile.

    Then… things went terribly bad. You suddenly became scared to lose me, yet I wasn’t going anywhere. How could you not see that? You hurt me every single day. For a solid year. What else could I do? I was physically ill, crying every day, and hating myself for the hatred you showed me.

    What I don’t understand, what I hate… I remember none of that. All I remember are sunsets on the pond. Lying on the sand. The way you looked at me. The way you said “I love you always”.

    Now you still want me. You spent the last 3 years bettering yourself for me. I’m still too scared to risk another broken heart, yet I’m not over you. You love me and I love you, but it cannot be.

    There will never be another you, yet I still look for a sign that second chances are really worth risking everything for. Please. Somehow… show me it’s you.

    Love Always
    Your A

    come one come all,

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Hello again, girl I used to be so close with.

    I’m writing to you because no longer do I trust myself to be able to tell you certain things without feeling self doubt. I don’t know if that makes sense, it did in my head though.
    So here are some things about my life you should catch up on:

    I’m still going to marry J, and my whole family pretty much can tell, although it isn’t official still.

    I am no longer friends with M, she overreacted over something and I can’t deal with someone who won’t talk to me because I was on vacation when she wanted to chill.

    We had to put Lily down; only a few days ago, actually. She had a tumor near her liver and even if we had the 1,000+ to give her surgery & all that, it MIGHT have given her two years. That was a really painful night, I’ll tell you, I still expect to see her come downstairs and start bumping her head on everything mewing in that little voice she had with her two different eyes. I don’t remember if you knew her, but I know you would miss her as much as I do, you love animals.

    School is okay, college is so different from high school though, no shenanigans with you and C and D and all of the crowd we ran with when we were really close. I wonder if you are still in love with K, even though I know you are dating L.

    My tat is healing nicely, I know I told you about this one, we aren’t THAT distant. I wish we were close enough to get tattoos for each other though.

    My parents are just as nuts as always, although my mom has mellowed in ways and my dad is still his clammed up self. He still wants to move, but I have gone past caring, since I don’t really live with them anyway.

    I still want a dog, I think I will always want a dog, Cesar and Jez are doing..good..psycho, as always ha ha. I don’t think you ever met them either, but my god, they are nuts. Not even like dogs half the time.

    I still miss you.
    I still think about you.
    We do talk, but these are the things in my life.
    I wish we could be closer again. But I somehow managed to burn that bridge without thinking. I’m sorry, even though I know you don’t hold grudges.

    Oh! By the way, I love your sister’s paint job on her car, I hope she fixes it soon dude.

    I can’t believe how fake you are….

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Tim M.,

    You hurt me so much… Why can’t we just be together… You said you love me and we would always find a way back to each other… I know times are hard and have been for a while… Sometimes it takes a team effort…. Baby I love you more than anything! You are my one and only, I will never be happy with anyone else… I’ve tried, but it all comes back to me loving you! If you did love you you would still love me and what you’ve said isn’t true… How you don’t want to be with me but you want to be my friend… If that’s true why do you constantly tell me that you don’t have a girlfriend… Why do you send me voice text of you singing songs to me?… And your statuses on facebook…sometimes I swear you put that on there for me to read…. Please just stop this and let me know we will be back together one day… If I have no hope for us in the future… I can live a little while without you but soon I will give up… I don’t want to scare you into being with me… I just can’t go on for too long without you… I really want to die… I refuse to give up or take any advice to forget you… I can’t help it… It hurts so much… This is real love… I’ve never been this way before! Bottom line….I love you more than anyone ever can… let go of your pride and come home baby!

    why did you?

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments

    every day passes, and yet the same question sticks with me, why? why did you leave? why would you do this to me and the family? you say you everything you do is to better us kids, and it’s nothing against us, but why did you do it in the first place? every time you talk crap, everytime you get mad, you do something to us and say it’s not because of you or your sibling, it’s your mom, its all because of her. well guess, what it’s all you, you were the reason why this family is now better off with out you, you were the reason why sometimes money is tight because you did not pay child support. but over the years i still have one question and that is why? why would you put your kids through hell and say you’re doing everything for a reason and nothing against you kids.

    Dear Dr. V

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments


    You can kick me out to if you kick him out like that. Honestly, you’re a douche-bag Dr. V. I hate you and I have lost all respect for you.

    Why should I respect a man who doesn’t even care to hear the whole story. Why should I respect you if you’re such a douche-bag.

    Honestly, I flipped you off 5 times during practice today when you weren’t looking. 3 times when you were looking but you were too far away to see. I actually said “Dr. V. go fuck yourself” out loud to my entire section.

    During dismissal, I stood there disgusted at you and didn’t participate in dismissal. Why should I?

    You treat my friends like crap, you go to number 1 on my hit list. I stand up for my friends, and if you cross them, you cross me 10 fold.

    One severely pissed off Alto Saxophone player

    So beyond over you

    by  • October 4, 2010 • 0 Comments


    After years of silence between us, I was hoping we could be friends, like real true friends. When you agreed I couldn’t have been more excited. Then when I tried to start building this friendship we both “desired” you gave nothing. Instead you blew up Catie’s page and phone, behind my back. I see now, that you have no desire to ever build even the most basic of friendships with me. You claim you aren’t using me for one of my best friends, but I know you. I know your mind and your heart and that is exactly what you are doing.

    I waited, and hoped in vain. Now after this I see you haven’t changed in the least. You still only care for yourself. The idea of friendship with you now makes me cringe. When I hear your voice on the phone I no longer listen lovingly, hanging on your ever word, instead I think, “Wow.. how did I ever think this voice was attractive!”

    Have fun with Catie, I hope you find what you are looking for, even though you both want completely different things, because you will never ever have that chance with me again.

    Good luck, because you’re going to need it.