• The Great Conversation

    by  • June 20, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I have been waiting for this moment for 18 years. The moment in which I am no longer under your reign over me. The moment in which I a, in complete control of myself and hold all the power in my hands. The moment when you have nothing to leverage me with. The moment when I give you the biggest ultimatum you will ever hear. The moment when I ask you to part with money or with your daughter.

    I cannot wait to tell you that you can choose being selfish or having your daughter in your life. I hope you make the right choice. This will be the first moment in life where you cannot use money against me to manipulate me into doing what you want.

    You have been a horrible father to me all these years and yet you seem to think you have done such a great job. How could you think that? All you really do is constantly degrade me and make me feel worthless. Everything I do seems to be wrong and not up to your standards. I mean I buy you a birthday gift and you yell at me for spending money on you instead of saying thank you. You tell me that I am a bad investment. So basically that I am just a business transaction to you and not even human. I swear you keep tally of how many hours I spend with you, how many words I speak, and how many dollars of yours I spend.

    What kind of father asks their child what they will do in return for dinner? Honestly, I don’t think it is too much to ask you to cook dinner once a week.

    You are the most bipolar person I know and need to learn to stop displacing your anger onto me. Stop telling me you love me and start living it out because your words mean nothing to me.

    I hate spending time with you and feel like I have digressed in my character after spending time with you. If you loved me, then you would support me serving at church and trying to become a better person to deal with your ridiculouness.

    Thanks for teaching me how not behave and ruining my self confidence. You have scarred me for life and if you ever want a real relationship with me, you are going to have to put a lot of effort in. Loving me through yelling about me leaving too soon does not work. You are gonna have to try a lot harder.

    Grey Area

    by  • June 20, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Ok so here is the problem. You really annoy me, but I still love you. It took me awhile to realize that you can totally be annoyed by someone, but still love them. I just hate being asked so many questions all the time when you are just going to forget what I tell you anyway. I don’t want to tell you what is going on in my life because you will ask me about it again soon enough. I know there is nothing to do about it, but it still sucks and makes it hard to have a close relationship. You think that I haven’t told you, but I really have most of the time.

    You have always been there for me. I know you would drop anything to come to help me and I truly am appreciate of that. It is just hard to look past all of the hurt that you have caused me over the years that you don’t even know half of the extent of. I am just so angry all the time from it all and can’t seem to get rid of it and forgive you yet. I know time will heal those wounds and take the anger away. I think next year will help with that a lot.

    The Past, Present, and Future

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Past: I was not myself. I could not control myself. Too much pain was in my life and I did not know how to deal with it since I was only a child. I would never hurt you, but my words and actions made you feel that I would. Truth is, I never did too bad, but scared you.

    Present: I am truly sorry for that and I wish that I could take all of it back. I am sorry for the pain that it caused you and the effects that it has had on you. It is just so hard that over a decade has passed, but you are still afraid of me. I have not been anything like that in a long time and it sucks to be held to the past.

    Future: I hope that you will forgive me for this some day and know that I would never hurt you like that ever again or make you feel like that again. I know that day will come, so I just have to be patient and wait for it. I just hope that it comes sooner than later.

    My Love Story

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Sometimes I have doubts that you are real, but then I realize all that you have brought me through. I could live my life believing that I brought myself out of it all and back to normality, but that is not possible. It took a miracle to recover from all the hurt and only You can give me one. I could choose to be angry about all the struggles I have had to overcome, but I choose to be thankful. I know that these struggles have made me who I am and are an honor from You because it means You are continuing to prepare me for something great that I do not yet know. Even when the world around me seems to crumble, You are still there solid as a rock with Your arms wide open for me. Even when everyone seems to let me down, You never fail me. You exceed anything I could ever imagine and never fail to provide. Thank you for all that You have done for me and continue to do for me. I am eternally grateful.

    My Fairytale

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I have prayed for someone like you in my life for so many nights and finally you are in my life. When I look at what I have been through it seems like nothing in comparison to the struggles you have been through. When I want to give up, I just remember that you have had so much telling you to give up, but you have made it through all of it. I keep asking you to tell me why you are so amazing, but you never seem to be able to answer it, so I will answer it for you.

    • You are amazing because you have been through hell and back and chose not to take the easy path.
    • You are amazing because you are so generous with what you have.
    • You are so amazing because you are full of encouraging words just when I need them.
    • You are amazing because you make me feel completely comfortable at all times.
    • You are amazing because you can sing like an angel and play the piano better than Beethoven. You are amazing because you never fail to make me smile and laugh every time I talk to you or see you.
    • You are amazing because I am a better person since knowing you.
    • You are amazing because you chose to use your experiences and become a better person rather than using them as an excuse.
    • You are amazing because you inspire everyone around you and you don’t even know it.
    • You are amazing because I feel like I can really trust you.
    • You are amazing because you are drop dead gorgeous on the inside and outside.
    • You are amazing because I can call you whenever and not feel like an inconvenience.
    • You are amazing because you know when I am lying about being okay.
    • You are amazing because you cook me 5 star meals.
    • You are amazing because you take me on the best trips of my life.
    • You are amazing because you send me texts to say you are thinking about me.
    • You are amazing because you are deep, but know how to be funny.
    • You are amazing because you live your life for you and not the opinions of those around you.
    • You are amazing because I love you with all my heart and would go to the ends of the earth of you and back.

    Thank you for being my angel this year during such a difficult time. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you. I have never met someone who provides so much with words of affirmation. I am thankful for you every day and you are truly a blessing in my life. I am a better person because of you.

    Priorities

    by  • June 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    You text me. You IM me. You tell me how much I turn you on. You say that you so enjoy talking to me. During our first conversation, you said you hadn’t been so turned on in a long time. You came up with a hot role play situation, and we haven’t even met yet. Every conversation we have intensifies the suspense. You said that I was on your brain hardcore, and you were so in the mood.

    So when it comes down to actually meeting and doing all the sexy things we’ve been talking about for a month, you say you’ve had a long week and can’t stay awake.

    What the hell is wrong with your brain? You can’t stay awake for sex?! With a cute girl who likes it the same ways you do?!?! Whose only relationship requirement is regular pleasing for both? For God’s sake, get your priorities in order!