You utterly confuse me. For almost the whole year I battled in my head on whether I liked you, or just felt I should like you.. because you were around.. and a pretty nice person. I realized I really did like you though, you have a good sense of humor and seem easy to talk to. I told a friend about how I liked you.. and of course you eventually found out that I did. Although you don’t know that I know. When you didn’t do anything about it, knowing that I liked you.. I decided to let it go. It wasn’t meant to be. But then you said something to me lately that confused me.. it made me think you were actually interested. A few days after I got the balls to text you and you replied with a one word answer. I just don’t get it. I think we could’ve been good. It’s too late now, college starts in a week and I’m not going to try anymore.
I want to put my feelings, my memories, my love for you, my anger and disappointment, my sadness, your smile, the look in your eyes when you looked at me, your humor, your warmth, your wit, how we could talk for hours on the phone when we only saw each other hours before and everything about you into a box, wrap it up and let it float away on the ocean. What we had was so fantastic but it’s now so painful to think about, I want to release it.
The pain is unbearable and made worse still speculating that I’m sure you aren’t going through the same.
When will it get better??? I want to stop crying.
If I didn’t care about you and love you, I would diss you. I wouldn’t let any other ‘friend’ of mine treat me this way and yet, against my better judgment I let you get away with it because I do love you and I want to have a life with you. The irony is, if I was watching myself at a distance I would be thinking “girl, move on already, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t deserve you”.
I see you online, we don’t speak (or very rarely and that breaks my heart when each day you used to send me kisses and hugs as soon as I logged on). It was only 2 months ago you loudly professed your love to me. How can it change so quickly? Either you are really fucked up in the head and you do need to sort yourself out, or that book comes to mind “he’s just not that into you”.
I would love to be inside your head but then I wonder why am I trying so hard?? I need to get over this relationship we had. I need to finish grieving. I wonder if you think about me, miss me, wonder what I’m doing??
You always surprise me, so maybe you do, but you certainly don’t let me know about it.
It would be ironic if you were on this site as well, writing me a letter. I almost want to tell you about this site, but it’s like it’s my secret, my chance to offload and I’m not ready to share this with you (if ever).
Sometimes you are an asshole to me and I just need to remember those times – it will help me move on, I’m sure.
The day will come that you’ll open your eyes and see that you’ve had nothing through the sham of your jealousy induced marriage. You have a wonderful man who risks his life daily to save other people,rescue people and save mountains and houses from the arson started fires…He’s a brave man, more than you can possible know..But, ..I know because I ask him how his day went, I ask if wants to talk about the little boy that got hit by a car…I give him the opportunity to clear his head of all the ugliness he deals with on a daily basis. He can finally let all the build up and stress go.
With you he has to internalize his stress and pain… You might not know but while he’s out saving the world he’s praying that his girls are okay and if not there is a fireman like himself that will be there taking care of his girls with the same love and care that he takes care of every child he touches. You treat him like he owes you…you stay home with the girls sometimes taking them into LA but mostly they’re at dance. He works 24, 48,72 hours straight..we talk while he drives home and we talk about what list will be waiting for him to do at home. And then there’s the crazy night you call him he’s lazy, doesn’t do anything around the house, no yard work…cleaning…you’re crazy!
Lazy…Never…he’s always fixing something, window , plumbing, car batteries. Everyone can see it but you. I know you’ve been told to be careful. Someone, a beautiful girl, is going to sweep him off his feet. You’ve went on so long laughing about it..denying it.. but guess, what it’s here. For over a year he’s been sweeping me off my feet…amazing man with with a plan…not for you, but for your daughters, my daughters and my grand daughter…he’s so happy to have a grandbaby around. He cant wait to take her to Disneyland!! And them this man has a plan for him and I..a plan so wonderful…we’re going to have an amazing wedding and life to go
Sometimes you are so detached from him but its okay because that’s when I get to hear about his day as I rub his back! I do it whenever he asks. You had your chance and you blew it…he came to me because “I’m his type”. Well I’ve been more than just his type in looks and physical connection or as he say..He is so turned on by me! It goes both ways…I can’t take my hands off of him but just try to get his hands off me…Check out his lower back, has a new little scratch mark from me… got a little rough!!! We love each other but won’t have our perfect ending until we have the girls with us!!!!
Because I’ve scoured this site looking for a letter from you with no success, I’ll write one for you; the first person who ever called me gorgeous. We met four years ago. We instantly became friends. You were hilarious, witty and unbelievably sexual. I was care-free, naive and unbelievably available. We were thrown into a bubble, of sorts, for all of July and I fell for you in your window seat as we watched thunderstorms, learned each other and laughed from the heart. I tried so hard not to kiss you, but in retrospect I wish that I had. That summer; those summer night walks by the pond and summer days under the trees; was something special. It was so clear that we were into each other, but it all became a muddled mess when your girlfriend showed up.
After practically living with you in your room and cuddling every night, we fell apart on our very last night together. I held out hope that you really would follow through with your promise. That promise that assured our future together. The day never came but I secretly still wait for it. Even though we’re both in relationships, there’s a small part of me that’s still curious about us. When I see you, when I’m around you, I feel it. I think you do too, but you’re afraid to admit/confront it.
I think I could make you happier than her. I know I could love you hard. I wish that someday I’ll have the courage to tell you all this to your face. I want you to know me again. I want to cuddle again.
Take a chance with me. Drop everything and kiss me on the mouth. After all, it was you who said that the world needs more free spirits.
Well I guess that says it. I’ll never tell you because our “relationship” is already complicated enough, with you at school and me and my walls. The 90 foot walls that I built around every area of my life. It’s not your fault though, if there was one person I would let behind them it would be you.
However, that wasn’t the case one month ago when I said our fling was getting too “serious.” Even one month ago not a soul was allowed behind those walls. Now I want you to try to get behind them, to keep on trying. There is nothing like you and your straw hair and your big soft body that I could just fall into whenever.
Now there are beautiful cheerleaders surrounding your new dorm room at your new home thats not back here with me. Its kind of funny. I told my friend today. I don’t want to tell you how I feel because I know you will want to do what will make me happy but I want you to do what will make you happy. If I say “Well, you see, the truth is, I love you” you will say “well you see, the truth is, I love you too.” Because you are a good, incredible guy who never wants to see me hurt again. But, you loving me back or us openly loving each other is not the best idea right now because I don’t want to limit you at all.
So go kiss the cheerleader down the hall, she probably has bigger boobs anyway.