• Acceptance of Sexual Assault

    by  • April 21, 2010 • 2 Comments

    Dear You,

    Sometimes it’s better to stay up all night, to load up on caffeine to make it through the day. It’s worse when I fall asleep.  I wish the nightmares would come to you, instead of me. You are the one who caused it, anyway. I trusted you. That’s what little girls that age do. They can’t comprehend “lies”. Innocence is a one-time deal, you can never get it back. And a child without her innocence, well, that’s just a recipe for disaster.

    And that’s what happened to me. I let you invade my dreams, I let you be the reason I had to numb myself from the pain, instead of face it head-on and get through it. You were my excuse for many years. And when I came to this realization after clearing my head and getting sober, I hated you even more for indirectly putting me through the longest, most hellish 14 years of my still very young life. It has taken me time, an innumerable amount of tissues, and lots of therapy sessions to learn that I can’t hate you. By hating you, I am still trapped by you. I was letting you rule my life, caged by your impressionable, dispicable actions. Some days I still have a hard time; some days I still want to hate you; some days I hate myself for forgiving you. But I do forgive you. I have come to see that you are a sick person, even sicker than me. There is no hope for you that I can see, but you should never stop seeking help. I don’t know where you are now, I don’t know if you’re dead or alive, but this is my letter to you, to let you know that I am no longer your prisoner. I have accepted, and therefore I have escaped.

    God…may I ask a question?

    by  • April 21, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Are you there, God?  It’s me, Margaret again.  Of course you probably know that.  I hope you’re not up there sighing, “Why me?” when you see my letters.  I don’t want to be a pain…I’m really just asking for a little clarification?  What’s the old adage – ‘There are no stupid questions.’  I’m hoping that’s true.

    So, I’m feeling like I might have angered you when I asked about the whole vajazzling issue.  Honestly and truly, I meant nothing by it.  I think my vagina felt threatened at being decorated by glue and crystals and lashed out (well, as much as a vagina can lash out).  So, please ignore my last conversation.  In fact, let’s just forget that whole thing ever happened.

    I just want to be clear…that whole conversation that “never happened” (wink wink) wasn’t intended to upset you or provoke paybacks.  It was just a girl trying to clear the air (and her crotch).

    OK, onto my question.  I really thought that acne was something you suffered through as teenagers -like it was a trade-off for being young and lithe and snot-nosed.  I thought you were teaching them a lesson about humility.  You know…these kids have these hot little bods and think they’re smarter than everybody else…but look at the big zit on their nose! Kids hate zits!  But I really think it was a good addition to your teenager plan.  It really DOES keep them humble because just when they’re feeling all mightier than thou getting ready for the big dance, you knock ‘em down a couple pegs with a mountainous pimple.  That, sir, is a class act.

    SO, following on that same tack, do you feel that a grown woman wracked with age and wrinkles needs to be knocked down a couple pegs?  This is just a hypothetical question.  This isn’t about me.  See, I have a “friend” and she has found herself in an unlikely predicament.  Suddenly her skin is breaking out like a young boy behind the fryer at Burger King.  It’s NOT pretty.  Don’t get me wrong…I know that all God’s creatures are pretty…but this just aint.  “She” is wondering if possibly you could have a little kindness in this regard and cut her a break.  I think it would be fair to offer either acne or wrinkles in old age…but not both.  Wrinkles would seem the obvious choice, to me, a lowly human.  I don’t mean a ton of wrinkles, just elegant crow’s feet that indicate this person has been happy and smiling.

    Or, as a really neat suggestion, you could get rid of BOTH.  Think of it, God, Octogenarians with smooth, clear skin.  I bet it would really cut down on elder abuse…because nobody would know how old you are.  I know it might be necessary to still be able to categorize the elderly, what with “early bird specials” and discount Tuesdays but can’t we do that another way?  Maybe offer up people to wear wristbands in the Lance Armstrong vein…but instead of  wristbands that say ”LiveStrong” we could have them wear green wristbands that say “LiveYoung”, yellow wristbands that say “LiveMiddleAged” and red wristbands that say “LiveOld”.   (Do you like how I worked in the color coding of a street light? Green is go, yellow is slow, red is stopped).  Oh, and old people could still hobble around and use canes and scooters to get around, you would still have old age…you would just look younger doing it.

    So, that’s my suggestion for today.  Get rid of the acne, get rid of the wrinkles. Remember, this request isn’t for me…I’m just the messenger…but I know that my “friend” would really appreciate it.

    Thanks , God.

    Margaret

    P.S. Keep the acne for the teenagers.  It builds character. 😉

    Thank you for reading this

    by  • April 20, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Even if I’m connecting with you only through a Letter I’ll Never Send it’s still a connection.

    We are a community of people with hopes and dreams, fears and anxieties.

    We are immersed in the business of living but sometimes it’s nice to just sit back, take a moment and realize that you sitting there, reading this, are special.  You are.  You are here.  You are here because you feel deeply.  You care about others.  You have heart.

    Thank you for caring.  Thank you for sharing.  Here is hoping your day tomorrow is bright and joyful.

    ~ The Staff at Letters I’ll Never Send

    cool breeze

    by  • April 20, 2010 • 0 Comments

    After Trauma and Travail, I can truly say i really feel Splendid. BEEN through so much lately, But that’s behind me , LIVING in the NOW, meaning TODAY, POSITIVE ATTITUDE POSITIVE SURROUNDINGS POSITIVE PEOPLE IN MY SPACE. WHAT CAN I SAY BUT I FEEL A COOL BREEZE.

    Dread

    by  • April 20, 2010 • 1 Comment

    I’m trying to grab some sort of motivation to be a better person and get up earlier, shower earlier, get to work earlier so that I can be home earlier.  All of these things would benefit me.  I would feel better about myself if I could do this.  Yet the thought of being at work at all makes me push everything else out until the very last minute.  Wait, not the very last minute…it would be the very NEXT minute of the last minute.  I keep getting later and later and it’s all based on dread.

    I dread seeing you.  I dread talking to you.  I dread the next inevitable blow out.  I dread the  also inevitable hand holding session.  I dread the drama.  I dread the boredom.

    As much as I dread all of this I can’t find myway out of it.  I’m emotionally chained.  I’m guilt-ridden that I could consider leaving you.

    I’m not following my dreams.  I don’t know if it is out of fear or some sort of weird devotion to you…but I am not being the person I want to become.

    When will I take that step?  How will I find the courage.  Faced every day with the same dread I slowly brush my hair…put my clothes on…gather my stuff and go to that place so that I can be your “rock”.

    I’m tired of being your rock.  YOU need to be your rock for a change.

    I wonder some day if I’ll just start screaming at you at the top of my lungs.  I wonder if I’ll scream so loud that my throat will burn.  I have a lot of things to say.  I have a lot of secrets.  I have a lot of bitterness and regret and anger and frustration that I’ve bottled up inside while patting you on the back to make you feel better.

    I’m dreading today…but I better go shower.

    Just thinking.

    by  • April 19, 2010 • 0 Comments

    Just thinking.

    I sent you an email telling you that shits not getting done. That I don’t have time to do tasks I am assigned. You read and acknowledged the email. And then didn’t do shit about it. Thx

    I work 8 hours a day (or more). When you see me momentarily doing something non-work related, consider that a break. Because I don’t consider that part of my 8 hours worked. You know you have other assistants doing less than 5 hours of work in a day. You know there are yet others who pad their hours and do very very little. Thx

    Then today you send me an email that proves three things:
    1) You are very scatter brained and not thinking clearly, because you can’t compose a grammatically correct sentence to save your life.
    2) You have the memory of a gold fish. You passive-aggressively point out things I’m not getting done after I’ve already told you those things aren’t done. Your forgetfulness works in your favor though…when later you need to pretend you came up with those ideas all on your own.
    3) This is the first day you’ve actually worked in a very long time. Usually you’re overwhelmingly consumed with minutia completely unrelated to the business at hand, but each item in your email is actually important!

    Thx

    P.S. The time it took to write this letter is being considered billable hours.