I wish you could see how wonderful you really are. I’m frequently angry and disappointed that you keep making such bad life decisions because you deserve so much more than the shit you keep taking. I wish so badly that I could help you see that.
You say that you like yourself better when you are drunk and that you don’t like the way you look. I like you best when you’re sober, and I think you’re totally cute just the way you are. You really are quite the catch, G. Any girl who can’t see that is just plain stupid.
I know you used to have a crush on me. I used to have a crush on you too. But I think it would kill both of us if we ever got together, especially considering the situations under which we both live. We need each other as friends right now. I know I need you. The other night when your roommate, my ex-boyfriend, was talking to all those girls at the party and I was standing off by myself seething with jealousy you came over and made me feel better. You made me feel less shitty for still liking such a nasty person. “It happens to the best of us,” you said. I know you feel that way a lot too. It really does happen to the best of us.
You don’t need to drink, and you don’t need the perfect body. You don’t need to be the life of the party or the coolest guy in the room. You’re best when you’re just you. I hope that some day we will both be truly happy just the way we are.
What do I do now? Everyday all I do is go through the motions. Sure I have a new girlfriend. Sure I’m supposed to be the happiest kid at My school. Left and right I may win awards that are supposed to prove my success, yet all they prove is how successful I have been at putting on a mask, faking being happy, and throwing on a smile for other people. I’m sick of trying to please other people. Life has become numb. I need to get out. I need to feel SOMETHING. I need to feel pain. I need to be with people who feel the same way, but I remember, I’m all alone. We all are, in this clusterfuck we call life. So now what? What am I supposed to do. Theres nothing that makes me happy anymore, I am a waste of a human life.
It’s me again. Yeah I know, obsessive and kind of creepy. I just can’t seem to get you out of my head. Even when I feel like I’m doing so well forgetting you pop up.
And it sucks.
I saw today, using the magic of facebook, that you found another girl.
I’m happy for you.
Someone should be happy at least…
I hate you.
I lied. I only wish I could hate you.
I wish I could not give a shit about you or anything you do.
I wish I could forget you.
I lied again
Why would anyone ever want to forget the sweet memories that send knives through the heart?
I truly wish I was doing as well as you seem to be.
But here I am, stuck in this depression cycle. Don’t blame yourself, I was gonna wind up here with the catalyst of you leaving or not.
Because you make me want to try. For four years, I haven’t done much with my life and just spending time with you makes me want to be a better person.
Because we can rip on each other constantly. You always make me smile and I love to make you smile.
Because even though you’re new it, dancing with you is a blast.
Because you want to get out of here as much as I do. I want to see the world and I can’t imagine anything better than seeing it with you.
Because I see a lot of depth in you. When told me about when you heard that woman who was hurt, I saw a concern and worry in your eyes that struck me.
Because I thought that even though I knew you would turn me down, I had the slightest hope you’d give it a shot and maybe I could have proven to you that I’m a lot more than a burn-out.
You were the love of my life, I wish that when we ran away that weekend to elope that we would have followed through. This year was the hardest year of my life with all the things you put me through, but in the end I know that if you ever needed me I would be there, anytime, anyplace, and for any reason. You will always be my best friend and I will always know you more than anyone in the world and you will always know more of my secrets than I am willing to let on.
I love you. Always have, always will.
-We had a love to be jealous of. I learned so much from you. You will always hold my heart. When you secretly sneak away and call me… my heart still flutters.
I’m so irritated. We’ve been trying to make “this” happen the entire Summer, and now it’s finally starting and it’s like you’re trying to prevent it. I’m just really mad right now. I’ve already realized that you are the prettier one of the two of us… and I’m sure that you are aware of that as well, but I just want this ONE thing to happen to ME for once. Why are you trying to take it away? You can have every other guy you want, but the ONLY one that would ever want me, ever, you won’t stop talking to. I don’t understand. I truly feel like that is one of the worst things you could to your best friend. I already know that you flirt with pretty much every guy you talk to but I never let it bother me because it’s none of my business. I’m just horribly confused as to why you would do this? I’ve told you how interested I was in him for as long as I can remember. It makes no sense to me. Then you had the nerve to ask me why I was “being quiet” tonight, are you kidding me? Maybe it’s because I couldn’t even get a word in. Maybe I’m over exaggerating, but I’m really mad. I will never, ever tell you this to your face because… well, I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t. I just wish you knew how to retain yourself a little. I mean, I would NEVER do this to you. Just let me have one guy, please. But now that I think of it, maybe you guys have more in common anyways… but if I tell you this you’ll get all mad and say that I’m “pushing my feelings on you”, so I won’t. I just want to be alone forever. Is that bad?