• I’m afraid

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 3 Comments

    i’m afraid that if i don’t keep talking to you, we won’t talk.
    we were best friends and now we’re here.
    i’m afraid most that you don’t think about this at all. i can’t tell you this.
    but please, please please please

    don’t forget about me.

    Awake

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 1 Comment

    Dear World,

    I am wide awake right now. I guess I have too many things rolling around in my head. Insomnia has taken over me lately.

    I must go to SLEEP!!!!

    Why hello

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    My thoughts have settled down since that night a little over a month ago.

    However, I still remember everything that happened. Science tells me that I don’t remember everything the way I think I do, but, for once, I’m going to ignore science and reason. I know I remember everything as if it’s happening to me now.

    And it hurts just the same. But it gives me hope at the same time. Every time I see your name or a photo of you on facebook, my mind instantly goes back. Small little glimpses of things that we did remind me of you. I want to call you and tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you, but I don’t and can’t. I have to sacrifice my short term hopes to make sure my long term wishes stay true. I will follow your wishes, not bother you, and let you enjoy college, no matter how hard it is for me.

    I wish you were feeling this way too, but I highly doubt it. I’m afraid I barely get a fleeting thought in your mind. You said that you love me and that that won’t change and I’ll just have to take your word for it and not worry. My biggest fear is of the unknown. What will we be during breaks? How should I act around when I see you for the first time since that night? One small little reassurance would be enough for me.

    I still love you. I hope you still love me. I’m hopeful that this will all work out because I can see myself with you for the rest of my life and I don’t want you to go away.

    Gone

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 1 Comment

    In May we broke up.  In June we started talking again.  In July we started dating again.

    And then one day out of the blue you just decide to stop talking to me.

    There’s no explanation, no message, nothing giving me a hint as to why. 

    Then I find out a week later that you have a new girlfriend, and you never told me.  It only would have taken five minutes of your time, but apparently I wasn’t even worth that to you anymore. 

    I never thought that you could ever do anything like this to me, but apparently I was wrong.  Thanks for making me feel completely worthless.  After two months I was finally starting to think of you less.  Not by much, but just a little less every day. 

    Then you send me flowers. 

    If you want to be out of my life then stay out because I can’t take your indecisiveness.  My heart can’t take it.  So make a decision. 

    You can’t have it both ways.

    A Moment

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    When I needed inspiration, you told me to write about a “moment.” You told me to write about the intangibleness of time, and how you’re granted one opportunity to make something amazing happen. That once a moment passes, it never comes back.

    And the first moment that came to mind, was you. How we met and the connection we made was so sudden yet so massive. How things just hadn’t gone the way I intended them to in my life, and then you came along. Maybe it was wrong of me to hinge so much hope on one person. Especially when we only got into the talking and dating phase and never became “official.”

    You told me to write about a “moment,” and I remembered the night you invited me over. And you kissed me. The first kiss I’d ever had in 24 years – which sounds pathetic for a man, but even still – and the sweetest lips I’d ever tasted. You fell asleep in my arms that night. I felt like I was holding you too tightly, but I wanted to hold you so close to me that you wouldn’t want to let ME go.

    You told me to write about a “moment.” I remember the very moment you started doubting me and my potential to make you happy. It hurt that you weren’t willing to give me a chance. Though in my mind, I knew I was undeserving, in my heart, I wanted to fight for you. I believed in the possibility of us and I thought we were destined to be great.

    (more…)

    This is your life…

    by  • September 25, 2010 • 0 Comments

    …and you can sit there and waste it or you can get off your sorry butt and so something.

    I dare you.