I pray for you. Every day and every night. I truly do hope you get things sorted and everything gets better for you.
But I want you to know… that I’ll be waiting at the end. And if you ever are having a hard time, I’m here. Day or night. Anytime, anywhere. I am here to talk and to help just if you ever need me. I’m standing silently by your side as you go through this, and when this “storm” in your life has cleared, I’ll be there at the end (when, maybe, you’re ready to take this on). And then, you can choose. Choose to leave me and go your own way. Or choose to take me, and we can give it what it deserves. And I can promise that if you choose to take me… We can succeed. I promise.
And through all this, I still love you. I will always love you. You keep saying that I could do better. And maybe you’re right. I could do better. But, I don’t want better. I want you. To me, you are the best. It’s my choice, in the end, isn’t it? I can choose who I want to have my heart and who I wish to give myself to in unconditional love? Well. You’ve been chosen. The love I have for you… It is The kind where no matter what, I can’t help but love you more and more each day, still.
Do you remember this?
“Ok, I fucked up. I pondered what to do the other night about if I should come over or not. I decided not to . But that choice came with a price. I thought to myself if I really loved you or not. The question took longer to answer than I thought it would. Answer: You constantly bitch at me, put me down, threaten to commit suicide, steal my stuff, and basically annoy the shit out of me. But you are still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. Not only are you physically attractive but you have a heart of Gold and the brain of the next Beethoven. I may not want to hang out with you sometimes because you can make me feel sad but I can’t live without you.”
We can have that. all of that. But it will be different. No bitching, nagging, threats to commit suicide, no taking your stuff. I’m respecting you, I’m loving you no matter what, and I’m doing what is best for you. This is what you have to look forward to if we can somehow fix our broken hearts. …the letter continues:
“I give you this letter and one final contract between us. If you agree to it, we both work to better ourselves as well as eachother in any way possible while taking a blow torch to our relationship in order to rekindle it. If you don’t accept, we go our separate ways and instead, take the blowtorch to eachothers hearts.”
Well, we are holding the blowtorches. Yours has reluctantly singed my heart… it hurts so bad… but I refuse to use mine against you. And I know you’re hurting just as much, but I know that I’m not giving up. I believe in God and I believe in hope. …
“Your decision: I love you and ask that you choose for you and not for me.”
… I chose to stay with you.
Now… It will be your turn to choose. When you’re ready… when you feel that you’re at a point in your life where you could handle …love… That is when I wish for you to choose.
“Stay with me
Don’t stay with me”
I chose “Stay with me”. I broke this contract. I did not fully understand, because I did not want to fully understand. And now I’ve payed the price. I pushed you away when you tried to help me… and I hurt you. And every day I regret it. I still haven’t forgiven myself for it all… I can’t until I know that you have forgiven me…
“I love you, and no matter what you pick, I respect your decision. Wish you the best on whichever path you choose. I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to asking this of you but I can’t be sure until I ask. Love and adoration”
I will respect your decision. Just know that my heart will break… But I will still be there. Always. For you. I truly do want what is best for you. And if I’m not in that picture… then… that’s something I will just have to accept… no matter how much it hurts. But, through this pain, somewhere deep down inside, I know that if I just keep my patience and stay strong through these storms, … I know we will be together again. Only this time… In the way God intended us to be.
I love you.
Forever and for always,