• 19% Remaining…

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 0 Comments

    So I realized tonight why you broke up with me, it never made sense until now I guess I’ve been avoiding really thinking about it.

    A late night conversation with my brother made me understand.
    That I’ve been a really really shitty boyfriend

    We started out as friends not knowing much about each other but slowly letting our attraction show through our friends, the silly little comments that we both knew we wanted each other to hear.

    Our attracting grew until we started seeing each other after & half way through summer I made you mine.

    Thinking about it now maybe it was a mistake on my part, I should have been more honest with you, told you what was really up.

    I never took you out, I feel like I never made you feel special. I never kissed you when I would pick up, I feel bad, I know it bothered you.

    Our communication was fubar but i don’t think I’m all to blame

    I’ll try my best it’s been a week since it’s ended and I know I messed it up but hopefully my efforts will pay off on being friends.


    to those i’ve lost.

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 1 Comment

    i wish you could’ve just seen that i’m not out to do anything but make others happy. before you took it too far and ruined parts of me that are no longer reparable, before you doubted the person that i am. i still can’t bring myself to be mad at you for hurting me. i just want you to find happiness and do this to no one else. i can handle it but i’m not so sure about the next person you let into your head.

    I’m still here

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 0 Comments

    It hurt a lot when you dragged me into things I didn’t understand, wanted me when you were taken, introduced me to things I didn’t want to experience, and tore me apart emotionally. It hurt a lot to wake up ever day and think I wasn’t good enough for you and that I would never have you. It hurt that you stole my heart and could only return it in pieces.

    But through all of this I have still decided to be with you. I am a big enough person to realize people can change and I am happy to see you doing just that. I am strong enough this time to not get hurt. I love you and I realize that something was missing when you weren’t in my life. You will always be a part of me even if we aren’t together.

    Goddam I hate you

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 1 Comment

    The truth is that I’ve always hated you. I hated you from the moment that I met you. I hate your stupid smile, I hate your gay ass hair, I hate the way you stay so fucking calm in the worse situations, I just hate everything about you. We were at a party and everybody was drinking. You said hi and introduced yourself; at first it seemed so normal, like nothing could possibly go wrong. Something never felt right while I was with you, I could be myself and tell you things that I wouldn’t tell anybody. You were my best friend the person I could play Pokémon with, the guy I could trust to be my wing man, the dude who could play legendary with all the skulls on. I never saw it coming when you made a move on me, or the fact that I let it happen. I never thought I would become “involved” with another dude. But at the time it was perfect, no one knew and it was just you and me. I loved you, more than I ever loved anyone, even though I knew I shouldn’t like another guy like that, even though I was in to girls. When I was with you things were different and I was ok with that. But then you go and pull this shit and leave me out to dry with all these gay “Feelings”. Who the Fuck do you think you are, I mean really!? No one said you could Bitch out and leave. The most fucked up part is the fact that I have to pretend to hate you just to get through the days. You were never supposed to die on me, we never got to go visit New Zealand, and we never got to see the northern lights!! I HATE you for making me fall for you, And I hate you for dying on me, And most importantly I hate myself for being the driver that killed you because it should have been me.

    Storm (a Broken Love)

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 0 Comments

    I pray for you. Every day and every night. I truly do hope you get things sorted and everything gets better for you.

    But I want you to know… that I’ll be waiting at the end. And if you ever are having a hard time, I’m here. Day or night. Anytime, anywhere. I am here to talk and to help just if you ever need me. I’m standing silently by your side as you go through this, and when this “storm” in your life has cleared, I’ll be there at the end (when, maybe, you’re ready to take this on). And then, you can choose. Choose to leave me and go your own way. Or choose to take me, and we can give it what it deserves. And I can promise that if you choose to take me… We can succeed. I promise.

    And through all this, I still love you. I will always love you. You keep saying that I could do better. And maybe you’re right. I could do better. But, I don’t want better. I want you. To me, you are the best. It’s my choice, in the end, isn’t it? I can choose who I want to have my heart and who I wish to give myself to in unconditional love? Well. You’ve been chosen. The love I have for you… It is The kind where no matter what, I can’t help but love you more and more each day, still.

    Do you remember this?

    “Ok, I fucked up. I pondered what to do the other night about if I should come over or not. I decided not to . But that choice came with a price. I thought to myself if I really loved you or not. The question took longer to answer than I thought it would. Answer: You constantly bitch at me, put me down, threaten to commit suicide, steal my stuff, and basically annoy the shit out of me. But you are still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. Not only are you physically attractive but you have a heart of Gold and the brain of the next Beethoven. I may not want to hang out with you sometimes because you can make me feel sad but I can’t live without you.”

    We can have that. all of that. But it will be different. No bitching, nagging, threats to commit suicide, no taking your stuff. I’m respecting you, I’m loving you no matter what, and I’m doing what is best for you. This is what you have to look forward to if we can somehow fix our broken hearts. …the letter continues:

    “I give you this letter and one final contract between us. If you agree to it, we both work to better ourselves as well as eachother in any way possible while taking a blow torch to our relationship in order to rekindle it. If you don’t accept, we go our separate ways and instead, take the blowtorch to eachothers hearts.”

    Well, we are holding the blowtorches. Yours has reluctantly singed my heart… it hurts so bad… but I refuse to use mine against you. And I know you’re hurting just as much, but I know that I’m not giving up. I believe in God and I believe in hope. …

    “Your decision: I love you and ask that you choose for you and not for me.”

    … I chose to stay with you.

    Now… It will be your turn to choose. When you’re ready… when you feel that you’re at a point in your life where you could handle …love… That is when I wish for you to choose.

    “Stay with me
    Don’t stay with me”

    I chose “Stay with me”. I broke this contract. I did not fully understand, because I did not want to fully understand. And now I’ve payed the price. I pushed you away when you tried to help me… and I hurt you. And every day I regret it. I still haven’t forgiven myself for it all… I can’t until I know that you have forgiven me…

    “I love you, and no matter what you pick, I respect your decision. Wish you the best on whichever path you choose. I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to asking this of you but I can’t be sure until I ask. Love and adoration”

    I will respect your decision. Just know that my heart will break… But I will still be there. Always. For you. I truly do want what is best for you. And if I’m not in that picture… then… that’s something I will just have to accept… no matter how much it hurts. But, through this pain, somewhere deep down inside, I know that if I just keep my patience and stay strong through these storms, … I know we will be together again. Only this time… In the way God intended us to be.

    I love you.
    Forever and for always,

    From day one

    by  • August 21, 2010 • 0 Comments

    There has been something about you from the first day you walked into class, four years ago. Whenever our eyes met, something inside me changed. Time went by and finally i thought it was our turn at having a chance to be together. I thought things were going great and i had hoped for great things between us.

    you didn’t know what you wanted. you never did and you still don’t. a part of me hopes that you will wake up and choose me. want me. be with me. but the other part of me feels like that will never happen.


    am i just waiting for you- hopes high and a belly full of butterflies for nothing? i wish more than anything i could tell you this but i never could.

    i promise you one thing, you’ve been a part of my thoughts- one way or another- since that fateful day.