• In Pain

    by  • July 6, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 5 Comments

    I’m not quite sure who I’m writing this letter to, but I’m in pain. Every time I get on social media someone in getting in a relationship, getting engaged, getting married, or found out they are pregnant. No, I don’t need a man to be complete, but damn it hurts to constantly be alone. Then to add in my friends who are practically engaged telling me to be patient. It’s so hard. I can’t get a guy to be my friend let alone want to date me. It hurts. I just want to know that my soulmate exists. I just want to know that I am dateable and beautiful and not to just the ugly nobody in the background. I tried to drown my sorrows in strawberry Smirnoff and beers. I just feel more empty as I see my friends having fun while I’m alone. Can I just press fast forward???

    5 Responses to In Pain

    1. anon
      July 7, 2018 at 4:18 am

      Why is your life about showing off to other people? Do you really just want someone so you can show them off and prove your self worth ?

    2. you will
      July 7, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Comparision is toxic at those stages. Your one will find you. You just have a different schedule.

    3. Cindy
      July 8, 2018 at 8:31 am

      I’m sorry you are so alone right now. It sucks. It hurts. Social media isn’t healthy for our egos.

    4. In the same boat
      July 10, 2018 at 4:13 pm

      I have struggled a lot with the exact same things! One thing that is really helping me is hearing people talk about the downsides of love & marriage. Everyone is open about the wonderful, beautiful parts of their relationships, but we perpetually-singles don’t hear much about how difficult it often is! There is no such thing as a perfect relationship (which is a hard pill to swallow, when you’ve been fantasizing about your soulmate for years). I’m sure that you are dateable and beautiful; maybe you and I are just in a minority that will have a really unique love story to tell later on in life. Plus, as I like to tell myself, the later in life you get married, the less you have to live with that person’s annoying habits after the honeymoon phase is over!

    5. PeterC
      July 15, 2018 at 1:20 pm

      Hi; you say you can’t get a guy to be your friend, let alone want to date you. That sounds profoundly lonely. And of course you want to know that you can be desirable, cherished, loved. It is such a human wish, and we have such a deep need for connection.

      The challenge may be wishing for a soulmate. I sometimes think mates are found, and soulmates are grown. As we encounter the soul of another, as we open ourselves up and become vulnerable – there is the chance to become known and to know the other. It takes regular, difficult effort though – it is a practice, not a one-time task.

      I’m wondering what happens when you want to be friends with a guy. How would you know whether a guy wants to be your friend? And if they start out as a possible friend – then what happens? Friendship is such a great practice for romantic connection – you have all the same wishes for connection, depth, presence – but it’s not so complicated with sex and romance.

      Anyway if you want, let me know your reaction. Maybe we can figure this out for you.

      warmly,
      PeterC

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