I want to kiss you and never have to let go.
But I don’t want to hang around me if you don’t want to be around…
I’m scared you haven’t made up your mind.
That you don’t know what you want… so i leave that up to you.
I have given you a remarkable amount of hints on that website… that website where we first began to talk.
We still talk there…and when I talk to you here, I write your first letter in the post title along with your nickname, to remove some ambiguity and worry.
I just don’t want you to assume that i have written anything other than what I have written + sent.
Sometimes I worry about us, but then i remind myself that i want to worry about you first. if i worry about you, i make less stupid decisions, i do the right things, things i ought to do, things i know will make me better.
I know you look out for me in real life too. You do, even though you try to hide that sometimes. I see you. I even see you reading my letters and responding – replying to them because they speak affection to you.
You know it’s not fake. I know it’s not fake. I don’t see anything ahead if i forget about you – you’re my guiding light/flame you know? The thing that motivates me. The person who i want to do things for? I just express to you how i feel, freely. You’re also my closest friend and person and confidante.
And I’m sorry if i have not read any letters you wrote here for me…it’s quite a jumble here, and there’s no distinct title that stands out from the rest. I read certain letters and only get worried if i read negative things but i don’t want to assume things that might not even relate to us!
So if you want me to read a letter, please be more specific so i can pick it out and read it with confidence that you wrote it. You can take my name, i don’t mind.
I have only left your name quite ambiguous here, in case you didn’t like it being obvious – because i respect your boundaries and privacy.
So if you read this, you can be quite certain who this is.
btw, it’s not easy to open up sometimes because fear gets in the way… we all feel that once in a while?
– P _ L L _ _ I