I was at dinner with my dad and his family and my husband lets it slip that I am wanting to become a tattoo apprentice sometime soon. Tattoos in general are something he pretty vocally disapproves of, despite his wife having a few and some of his closest friends having very large pieces. He got quite, I think I joked you’re not going to disown me are you? (previous conversations he’d at least verbally been pretty adamant of oh your my child I won’t abandon you) He just looked back at me. Some time later, I was at another dinner with them before my step brother moved in with them from Romania, it was a nice dinner we’re just sitting outside when unprompted he tellshe’s disappointed in me. His wife jumps in in my defense.
I gotta tell you, it was more deflating than all the times my tires on my car had been nailed over the years… and there were many.
I just let it slide I guess. I worked so hard to try and be in a good space, and to try to repair and maintain my relationships with my family. I’d really hate to let one sentence invalidate everything I’ve tried to achieve.
But no.. that’s there now, those words get to jangle around in my head every now and then and I get to feel tremendously sad he chose to be disappointed by a craft that I’m extremely passionate about or the timing for his remarks. There’s other things he’s said but I’d rather forget the obscenity of it. He chose to not fulfill so many promises to me but I don’t talk to him in that manner. Table flipping moment #053
My step brother is now working at his auto shop with him. Hes very pleasant and nice, it’s just all very weird for me. He lives in the room I used to live in, but his mom completely renovated it after I moved out.
I know my father would have preferred a son.
Me, I would have preferred to have been treated more kindly by Any number of the father figures that elbowed their way into my life.