I shouldn’t be surprised. I have known since the day I left my moms house. I couldn’t talk to you because you were never there when I was growing up. You always had something that was more important than me. Work. Your crazy ex girlfriend you used as an excuse for ignoring me for 6 years.
I was suicidal and depressed and instead of helping you told me you couldn’t handle me. You told me you needed a break. You told me to be stable. To deal with it. To stop being crazy. You told me I was always out to get you. That I plotted against your happiness. You trapped me in my house all summer and let me sit in my head. I cried all day for two months.
Most days, I don’t know how to handle you. I feel trapped and like I am loosing my fucking mind every day. You don’t let me do anything. I am way too good to you. I don’t deserve your bullshit and we both know it.
Then their came the paralyzed dog. You won’t let him go even thought he is never going to walk again. You hate having to drag his ass outside 5 times a day to make him piss in a bucket. He has bladder infections almost monthly. Do you think he is happy sitting on the hard floor like a lump ready to die.
I looked up and example to check if I was right. I was. Everyday you ask about my day I say one thing before you cut me off and go into your never ending spiral about how “woe is me and my job is horrible, they couldn’t survive without me etc.” If you hate it so much quit. I am your daughter I shouldn’t be subjected to your shitty attitude and constant negativity. You are exactly like your mother. You have told me since the day I was born that the world is horrible and there is nothing you can do but suffer. I am sick of suffering and I refuse to live in fear anymore.
I tried so hard to please her. Until I saw what she was. I tried so hard to please you too. Now I see what you are. You are a narcissist just like her. A vunerable narcissist not to be confused with a grandiose narcissist (my “mother”). I have always felt not good enough for you and now I know why. No one is.
I just always wanted to know what I did to deserve two narcissists as parents? Why didn’t they love me? Why can’t they change. Maybe one day I will know that it is not my fault…