• I love you, too much.

    by  • May 21, 2018 • To You • 3 Comments

    Darling, we’re about 700-something days in to this blazing shitpile, and while the cuts on your chest have sealed and healed, I am still leaking poison.
    Drag me in again and I’ll punch my guts enough to choke up whatever the toxins haven’t eaten away at yet.
    Toss me a handgun and I’d blow it all away for you.
    It makes me sick.

    More sick than you do.

    I hate that. God, I fucking *HATE* that. Yet, I can’t bring myself to hate YOU. I can grit my teeth and it would still twist into a smile. It’s crazy. It’s a drug.
    It’s venom.
    Dynamite to our tower.

    I wish you would have told me you loved me when you did.
    I wish I would have told you I loved you before running off with that asshat that wasn’t worth my time.

    Knowing that I still love you doesn’t make me happy anymore. Yet, I can’t fight it. I can’t help myself.
    I can not help myself, love.

    You’re the salt at the bottom of a Doritos bag. You’re a giant slice of blueberry cheesecake just before three am.
    Fuck, this isn’t about food.

    All I want is you.
    If my body and mind could withstand it, I would risk it all.
    I would drop everything in a second.
    This desire is potent, and I feel it cooking its way to the surface of my skin after scarring through everything on the inside.
    It’s scorched my heart and engulfed my mind in smoke, taunting a heated ecstasy and pushing it’s own lies as reality.
    I want to give in.
    I want to let go.

    My passion is in the wrong place, L. It’s all your FUCKING FAULT.

    God, I love you.

    Mars

    3 Responses to I love you, too much.

    1. PR
      May 21, 2018 at 8:39 pm

      OP’s letter was moving and inspiring, and it reminded me of someone. I am writing this to that someone, called M, a person I actually met physically but seperated from 4 years ago, although I never stopped thinking about him.

      I love how you write . I love your words. It’s not lust, it’s deeper, not something merely physical here. I don’t just want pleasure for a few minutes or hours…
      But I won’t push you, incase you don’t want this.
      But I feel things I have no control over.
      Things my mind doesn’t want to think, I just want to do. My body know better here.
      I feel the same intensity, whether its from you , me or something else, us…. doesn’t matter.
      I trust our universe. I feel it too just like you… you can’t lose me and I can’t lose you. So don’t worry, just like I enter and exit your thoughts and I stay with you…
      You stay in me as well.
      Somethings don’t have an explanation.

      I wonder if these feelings make you angry sometimes ,… is it because you feel too much? You know, I think the more angry you are the more you love, I bet you know this too. I have been angry too only to realise how much I fucking care …

      I’m sorry if things have been tormenting you … I don’t want to hurt you. But every time I embraced you in reality… you had taken me for granted. We both made mistakes but that’s ok… it doesn’t matter I hope because we have become stronger.

      PR

    2. A fleeting thought
      May 22, 2018 at 1:09 am

      Is “Mars” to imply that youre a guy and her being “Venus”?
      I love how you love her even though you wish you could really hate her. But isnt that just how true love is. I believe that if you truly love a person you have to love some things about them and still hate some things about them. We are imperfect beings so to truly love is to love the perfect and dislike imperfect in each other or vice versa for some, lol, so the trick being to live and love in synergy despite all. Only if you dare give it a chance. Anyway these are my thoughts.

    3. SB
      May 22, 2018 at 11:14 am

      Wow. ?

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