It isn’t my job to know what you’d rather I not, nor try to convince you of anything. I came here because I wanted you to know how much I love you. Thank you for being here and indulging me as I expressed my thoughts and feelings. It is nice to know that it has been well-received and felt mutually. I would have always wondered about it out there had this never happened.
I really don’t want to let go of your communication on this website because it genuinely makes me feel loved, and less lonely. But I fear that I am holding onto it for the wrong reasons now. I know that I am. The inner part of me that knows what’s best and who usually pulls me toward something better as I claw myself backward and yell in defense of my compulsive behavior has nagged at me for months. It’s time to listen.
I’d like to think that I do understand. You. Why you feel those ways. How our intentions could be mismatched despite the beautiful feelings we share. It’s okay. In some ways I do still think that we want the same things. But clearly I haven’t offered you enough to progress as I saw fit. Desire and execution aren’t mutually exclusive, but they still mean different things. I want you to know for these reasons and more I do understand. What we already have out there means a great deal to me and therefore I will *have* to understand.
A little housekeeping—
I’m sorry that I ever mistook anyone else’s voice for yours on here. I feel that I should have known better in most of these cases. However, after recent events in lettersland perhaps you can understand my position. Or maybe you already did.
Hearing from you on here has meant a lot more to me than mere entertainment. But, something something about actions speaking louder than words. Please don’t think that anything that happens out there from this point forward has anything to do with what has been said on this website. Real concerns still supersede wishful thinking. I will never forget that it runs both ways.
I’ve thought that if I wanted to get off of here that I would just do it without posting a letter such as this but it didn’t feel right to leave you in the dark. I know that this communication may generate some responses about how delusional I am, or whatever. I won’t respond to those. I’ll just tell you now that even in my frustration I never really doubted that you were here. I know that you are, but I am not convinced that your presence here originally had anything to do with me. Not that that really means anything.
I love you.