• For my beautiful other

    by  • May 20, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 19 Comments

    It isn’t my job to know what you’d rather I not, nor try to convince you of anything. I came here because I wanted you to know how much I love you. Thank you for being here and indulging me as I expressed my thoughts and feelings. It is nice to know that it has been well-received and felt mutually. I would have always wondered about it out there had this never happened.

    I really don’t want to let go of your communication on this website because it genuinely makes me feel loved, and less lonely. But I fear that I am holding onto it for the wrong reasons now. I know that I am. The inner part of me that knows what’s best and who usually pulls me toward something better as I claw myself backward and yell in defense of my compulsive behavior has nagged at me for months. It’s time to listen.

    I’d like to think that I do understand. You. Why you feel those ways. How our intentions could be mismatched despite the beautiful feelings we share. It’s okay. In some ways I do still think that we want the same things. But clearly I haven’t offered you enough to progress as I saw fit. Desire and execution aren’t mutually exclusive, but they still mean different things. I want you to know for these reasons and more I do understand. What we already have out there means a great deal to me and therefore I will *have* to understand.

    A little housekeeping—

    I’m sorry that I ever mistook anyone else’s voice for yours on here. I feel that I should have known better in most of these cases. However, after recent events in lettersland perhaps you can understand my position. Or maybe you already did.

    Hearing from you on here has meant a lot more to me than mere entertainment. But, something something about actions speaking louder than words. Please don’t think that anything that happens out there from this point forward has anything to do with what has been said on this website. Real concerns still supersede wishful thinking. I will never forget that it runs both ways.

    I’ve thought that if I wanted to get off of here that I would just do it without posting a letter such as this but it didn’t feel right to leave you in the dark. I know that this communication may generate some responses about how delusional I am, or whatever. I won’t respond to those. I’ll just tell you now that even in my frustration I never really doubted that you were here. I know that you are, but I am not convinced that your presence here originally had anything to do with me. Not that that really means anything.

    I love you.

    19 Responses to For my beautiful other

    1. For my other half
      May 20, 2018 at 1:18 pm

      I originally came here for YOU
      Since late last year when we became friends
      During the semester..
      Then when you cut contact i was down for a while.. in denial.. trying to figure out what could have happened…
      I stumbled on here at that time looking to see if just MAYBE.. you would write here.. which is crazy to think..and even crazier that I did find you lol
      All the letters that i wrote here were written for you

      Maybe you didnt respond and I must have wrote to someone elses letter response that i thought was yours *facepalm*
      But Before that time i havent been on this site since like 3 years ago, for yes, another person.
      Whom i havent spoken to or seen since.

      You can call it fate or you can call it a coincidence
      But it was this site that saved something we almost let go of.
      Anyway, just wanted you to know that..
      Oh and this
      I love you.

      I’d really one day would want to show you what genuine love feelslike… because being here reading it..well doesnt come close..
      i dont want you to feel lonely:(((
      Talk to me whenever 🙁 i keep anticipating a text or call…
      I feel lonelier without you.
      My loooooove
      Sigh.. i miss you ;(

    2. I didn’t tell you, but you know
      May 20, 2018 at 4:24 pm

      It’s been an emotional day for me…. and I miss you. Love.. now that’s a word we rarely use with each other but we know what was felt.

      • Yes
        May 22, 2018 at 1:12 am

        I know what I felt, and yes, these days I know are emotional for you, even though you refuse to admit it. Just know that I see and I am in love with you. I love you. Love IS a word that we have grown to only use with each other when we need to, in attempt to remind the other of us that we are loved.

        We must trust in each other. We must trust in love. And I don’t know if I can anymore.

        But I do love you.

        • On
          May 24, 2018 at 11:52 am

          I felt what, know these I yes days I know are we and I am in attempt to remind . I love and I with that to are yes, where were you. Love IS a anymore that we have grown to only unemotional for you, even though you ad refuse to left it. Just know that I no yes with each other when we need to, in the other of us that we are loved love with refused,

          We must I see and you are in each other. We must yes, evol in vole. And I don’t know if here lol there can word. You do. No , maybe it behind,

          But I do love you.

          • @on
            May 26, 2018 at 5:52 pm

            I’d say get a life. But it’s clear from your replies on this letter, why you don’t have one.

      • K
        May 24, 2018 at 6:06 am

        It’s been an emotional week for me, I know what was felt 🙁

    3. You know
      May 20, 2018 at 5:07 pm

      And you know I want to get off this site. Reach out I will
      Not communicate further with you on this site. It is actually causing me annoyance, with you with. Please you know it in your soul it’s what I want. Tell me your thoughts. I will be waiting. Please don’t leave me waiting.

      • Yes
        May 22, 2018 at 1:17 am

        “With you with”… lol are my thoughts.

        No, really, I really I have been annoyed too. What I know in my soul is that you and I have a connection that I can not deny. Also I can not bring myself to believe that you feel it as well. I am left in loss and loneliness.

        • You know
          May 24, 2018 at 12:56 am

          If you don’t believe it, then I take this response as you will not reach out. It is for this reasons I must go. This type of communication is unhealthy for all.

        • Yes
          May 24, 2018 at 11:40 am

          No, with you, really with , I really, lol, I have been are my annoyed thoughts, too. What I know-believe that you in my soul is that you and I have a loss connection that I can not loneliness . Also I can not bring you with you myself to feel it as lol well. I am left in have a connection and deny.

          • @yes
            May 26, 2018 at 5:38 pm

            Sociopath much? do you think ‘your person’ hasn’t picked up on that little fact about you.? Might explain a few things hey?

            • Tristan
              May 30, 2018 at 2:12 pm

              Whist I am not a sociopath, I know and have come across quite a few in my life. They are very fascinating, master seducers, extremely charming, very successful or famous, and also you will find them in positions of extreme power.

              Thanks for liking my surreal, dada inspired replies. Best wishes!

    4. EmptytpmE
      May 20, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      Do you follow your heart or follow the rules!

      I really enjoyed reading this post

    5. Agreed.
      May 21, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      For too long I have struggled with my feelings. For too many years I have used this site as an outlet, in order to deny or avoid what I feel. These internal struggles have caused chaos in my mind and heart. There is a voice, though. There is a voice that I keep hearing, before it fades into the wind. This voice speaks key words and phrases relevant to my life at the time. This particular voice then claims to not be “my person” and disappears until the next time (usually a few weeks down the road) they reappear with more hints. Then “out there” this person I write about speaks key words/phrases that tie back in to this particular voice. Yet most of my revealing letters go unanswered. This braintease is too annoying to be satisfying.

      Dear Author, your voice speaks to me like that. So just in case before you go, I am sorry. This situation is… ugh. It is what it is, right? And what we share “out there” means the world to me. I would never wish to compromise it. You have become one of the most precious people in my life, and I want nothing more than to see you happy.
      But If my intuition here is wrong or I have misread or am mistaken, I then I apologize for once slipping and falling into the black hole of fantasy, and mistaking your voice once again.

      Commenters have asked me a few times why I write here. I never wanted anyone I may know for real to find me here. I can’t imagine how anyone would, but I suppose anything is possible. This site was sought out by me as a way of expressing my secret self. The things I could never say. The inner workings of my heart and mind. Internal conflicts. I don’t handle my feelings very well. I don’t talk about them well either. I find it helps to work through if I write about them.

      And so to you, Dear Author, and anyone else: I apologize for any confusion I may have caused in mistaking voices. I am not as certain as you that “my person” is here. I go off of the above mentioned clues. Perhaps I am just reaching to far in hope. Maybe it is time to give up all hope. I just can’t figure out how to let go of hope.

    6. oh no
      May 22, 2018 at 1:33 pm

      another word salad

    7. Yes but, no but, yea but
      May 24, 2018 at 12:04 pm

      I didn’t say that. Did you say that? I do not believe you didn’t think I refused to be thought of despite you thinking my claims you were not really defined by it contrary to the believes that could have not ever not been relied despite the non re-confirmed. I love you.

      • author
        May 26, 2018 at 2:39 pm

        Nope. None of it.

      • @yesbutno
        May 26, 2018 at 8:48 pm

        I do not like this version of you, it is contrived. I take it you wrote the other contrived responses too. Certainly not beautiful.

    8. Tristan Tzara
      May 29, 2018 at 11:48 am

      Sorry y’all didn’t like my poems.
      Faithfully
      T.T.

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