• Mathias & Bridget

    by  • May 15, 2018 • Grief • 0 Comments

    There was a boy named Mathias, he walked in the city with his friend after a show. They walked through the brisk air of Chelsea, and bumped into his friend’s ex fare.
    There was a coworker with them, a girl named Bridget B. Unfortunately things turned sour, “Go back home man, you’re done for the evening!” So they dropped the ex down.

    So what were three folks to do, the night was still young they thought. “Let’s grab a drink! I know a place that wont card!” Mathias’s friend chimed.
    So the three little scamps, decided to run to the bar. A hipster flannel barkeep, with his waitress partner kept the drinks coming and laughter filled the air.
    They got plastered and wondered back to his friend’s flat. They ran upstairs to the roof and said, “FUCK YOU!” to the alarm. As his friend pranced about, Mathias laid down. His head was spinning because of all the alcohol and the cool gravel and chilling air made him sleepy.
    Bridget came by, laid right down next to him. Instinctively, Mathias grabs her hand.
    “We just met…” Bridget thought, and clasped tighter. “I can sleep on the roof, it’s so nice here!” Mathias’ friend heard his quip, “You’re drunk you need to come down quick! Bridget make sure he doesn’t fall off the edge of the roof!”

    “UGH.” He scrambled up. Bridget wasn’t drunk. She held his hand steady, and off they went back down. “Do you need us to drop you off at the station?” “No, I can get back myself.” Mathias shrugged and went back to the flat. While his friend decided, “Hey BYE Bridget! I’ll see you at work!”

    He threw up in the middle of the night. Alcohol spewed forth like a refreshing breeze. Blackout, the best sleep he ever had followed. The emptiness of his hand made him ponder if being alone was worth it anymore.

    The next few days, Bridget and Matt meet at her job. She was working with his friend after all. The trendy bougie yogurt shop. It spread fast that Matt was interested, “Hey you know she’s married right?”
    “Hmmmm,” thought Matt, why would she show interest in me if this was so?

    On one of their early dates Matt asked, “Why is everyone telling me you’re married but you don’t wear a ring? What is going on here because I do not swing.”
    “Oh, I’m not married, they just say that. I’m only separated so there’s that.”
    “Hmn, okay. I suppose I can see the confusion there. They don’t know your life that well do they?”
    “My coworkers are not my friends, but I’d like you to be more than if you’ll agree?”
    Matt was thrilled! A partner finally! Yes. Life is complicated but this didn’t need to be!

    As the relationship grew, Matt sacrificed everything for Bridget’s happiness. Matt believed in supporting and encouraging everything Bridget did. Photography? Yes! Do it! Practice! You’ll be great! Cooking, here, let me show you some things we can do together! Oh, yes, this place is nice, let us go there one day! Vacation with me, spend a long weekend away!

    Bliss. Bliss. Bliss.

    Until the day Matt noticed Bridget was acting strange.

    She would outburst and accuse Mathias of cheating. “ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOSS?!”
    “What’s those welts on your legs?! Are you cheating on me with that artist you’re working for?! Is she beating you?!?!”
    “Why are you out?! ARE YOU SLEEPING AROUND?!”

    She would share negative opinions of his interests. “Hey, let’s go take photos of the coffee festival! You and I love coffee and I want to do this event!” “Ew, it’s for FREE? God that’stupid.”
    “…Oh…”

    “My friends are inviting us to their wedding! We should take photos and share it with them on their big day!”
    “Ugh, gross. It’s in Long Island!! We’re in NYC. That’s a dumb way to spend the day!”
    “….Oh…..hhh…”

    Matt was confused and hurt, but understood so he didn’t push. Bridget’s happiness was what mattered.

    Until Bridget beamed at the ability to volunteer at a dance party as a photographer.
    “Wait..what?”
    “YEAH it’s so cool! I’m getting experience AND networking!”
    “Wait..what was different with me and the coffee event you said was stupid?”
    “Oh that was DIFFERENT. This is ME. Not YOU.”
    “…Ooohhhh…kay.”
    He loved her, and wanted her to succeed. She struggled with getting by on her creative abilities and it was only right to support her.

    As the years rolled on, Bridget became neglectful. “Bridge, I lost my job, can you help me?” “Go work at McDonald’s, I don’t have time to help you job search.” “Don’t you think I have more to offer than being a fast food worker?” “No. A job is a job and you aren’t good enough for some things.”

    “Hey I need plane tickets to do a production shoot for Travolta’s new movie in Puerto Rico!”
    “Oh Bridge, that’s amazing! Here I’ll get you tickets, I’m so happy you love!”
    “I’ll pay you back darling!”
    “You wont baby, but think of it as your birthday gift anyhow!”

    But the most hurtful thing didn’t happen until 7 years in. “I promise we’ll go out on your birthday honey bee. It will be great! We’ll go to that sake bar you love so much!”

    “Bridget, it’s my birthday. Why haven’t you called? It seems stupid, but even my dentist said happy birthday before you…”
    “Oh, um. yeah. Well i’m busy. So we’re not going to dinner.”
    “…Wait…What?”
    “We’ll go some other time, promise.”

    Bridget never followed through. She was too busy to even call to say hello. She didn’t even want to know about Matt’s new job he landed after months of grueling search. She moved to another state and didn’t say anything until it was too late. But, “I’ll visit you honey bee, I promise!”

    But she never showed.

    Now it’s 8 years. Matt finally got an Instagram. He didn’t believe in social media, until he thought of posting things he would draw to motivate and inspire him to be happy again.

    Oh the tells the internet would give.

    He went to Bridget’s page to add her and saw photos of her ex…So off Mathias goes to that Instagram, because he’s a curious cat.

    “Happy new year darling!”
    “Happy anniversary! I’ll fight for you forever!”
    “Married life! She’s cooking lunch for me because she has to work!”
    “FAMILY TIME! ME AND THE KIDS WITH WIFEY!”

    Derailed grief. All off the charts.
    The contents were brutal. “I love working here! She got me a job because I asked!”
    Tears and anger.

    “I want to die. Let me disappear forever. This isn’t happening. This can’t be true. She wasn’t separated or getting divorced…I see it, but it can’t be real.

    “She lied for 8 years. How could I be so stupid to fall for this gaslighting whore?
    She deserves to die.
    She deserves all the pain in the world.
    If she can take photos of him at a coffee shop during lunch, why is it so hard for her to call or text me? I don’t get it?! What kind of monster is she?!”

    “What did I do wrong, can I win her back? I love her so much. What is it that I did to deserve this lie? Why did she do this? Was it me? I thought I was committed to her. Maybe if I was better? Gave her more attention? Gave her more affection? Gave her more gifts and reminders of how much she means to me?

    “This relationship can’t go on. I am being irrational. This is not me. This is not healthy. She doesn’t deserve a second chance. This is not my fault.
    This is not me.
    I am hurt and disorientated. This is not because I am weak. It is because I am a fool. A tool. A goddamn idiot for falling for this love shit and justifying that she was right for me.

    “I must move on.”

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