I just wanted to say: thank you.
Thank you for making me feel as if I were the luckiest girl in the world when you insisted on taking me out for dinner on my birthday, and we walked, my right hand clasped in your left one, buried deep inside the warmth of your coat pocket in the biting January darkness.
Thank you for making me feel as if I had somebody to rely on, as you waited for me to walk out of Ackerley after my late night classes, just so you could give me a ride back in the junky team car that at the time, could might as well have been a limousine – for that was how special I felt to have had somebody waiting there, just for me.
Thank you for keeping applesauce in your bedroom, and chocolates in your backpack, just in case my blood sugar dropped – for despite the seeming insignificance of this gesture, it was one that made me feel so deeply, and so truly loved.
Thank you for breaking my heart in the indifferently grey stone hallway of my dorm lobby, for it taught me how penetratingly painful heartbreak could be; how dumbfoundingly crushing it could feel to learn that someone you loved had never really loved you at all. For how could he, if you couldn’t even stand a chance against a nonliving, unloving sport to win a space in his shallow heart?
So Henry, thank you for all the happiness you brought me, and all the subsequent lessons you taught me when you so abruptly took it all away, but it is now time for me to let you go. I hope you find happiness with the thing you so foolishly, so determinedly put above all else, but if it ever lets you down, I hope that you will finally learn what it means to love somebody.
But regardless of how you and your life turn out, that is no longer my worry, nor is it my concern, for I am finally moving on to better things, happier times, and someday, hopefully, into the arms of someone who will know how to love me for who I am, without my having to struggle to be a part of his life.
Thank you for everything, Henry, but this is a long overdue farewell. If ever you feel ready to open up a window for our lives to overlap, that decision will be one that lies solely in your hands, but for now, I think I will learn to be happier without you in my life.
A girl still trying to let go