• Why

    by  • May 9, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Why cant I just go up to him and tell him how I feel

    Well honestly speaking because I am scared of the possibility of losing him

    I am scared of being crushed by his rejection

    I am scared he will avoid me once he knows how I truly feel and he doesnt like me that way

    I am scared to lose him plain and simple

    Even though it still hurts not having his love and acknowledgement in that way that I so want and need

    I know I seem all aloof, detached, cold and unemotional only because I think its what he needs in his life

    When all I want, need and long for is him

    My home

    My happiness

    My peace

    My hope

    My love

    I am so tired of messing up

    One thing I need to admit to myself is that I am not good at any of this

    How do I know if he loves me more than just as a friend or even likes me just a little bit

    How can I know for sure that his actions are more than those of just a friend

    I dont know anything and I am in the dark with no one to talk to about this

    With no one to confide in without judging me

    Without being laughed at for pining after a man who might not or doesnt love me back

    I am so frustrated with everything

    Frustrated at my inability to attract the one I love

    Frustrated in my inability to get even one word out of him in interest

    Frustrated at myself for being the way I am

    What use is love if it cannot be acted out

    What use is love if it cannot be celebrated with the one you love

    Bottled up inside festering with time

    Full of regrets and what ifs

    Wasted

    I need help and I need to know for sure

    But how

    What can I do

    Is it even my place

    Whats right and whats wrong

    Sometimes I think he likes me more than that

    In his actions, the way his face looks when he looks at me

    But I could be wrong in my assumptioms for when in love sometimes I think we tend to see what is not there

    Like a mirage in the desert

    Many before me have been wrong in their assumptions that the one they loved liked them more

    Lost everything and lived to regret it

    And that is what scares me to death

    Losing him would be the same as losing life itself

    That my heart, my mind and soul cannot take

    He strikes me as a man who goes for what he wants, when he wants and who he wants in his life

    Who am I to contend with that realisation

    Who am I then to this man I so dearly love

    He only thinks of me as a friend

    Those are signs I see

    And there is no bitter painful truth I face daily than the one before me

    Tyolo aka Rantings of a woman in love

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