About 9 months ago I started online dating. Every thing was blissful for 3 months straight. Then his true self started to show. He was moody (it was bad, he could be chirpy one day and an asshole the next), selfish, apathetic. He actually told me he didn’t love me anymore.
Blinded by love (and false promises aka meaningless sweet texts), I tried my best to stop him. I tried my best to help him out of his depressive state. But he didn’t want help. He told me I wasn’t helping and I can’t help.
The months dragged on, painful, and always putting me on the losing end. But I remained hopeful. I’m such an idiot. Then yesterday, after yet another week of silence from him, I got a text and he rambled on about why he was offline before hinting that he was done with me. He can’t even put “I’m breaking up with you” clearly in the text. I had to reconfirm and he did. I said thank you, goodbye and I immediately deleted all digital traces of him.
It’s funny how it’s so easy to delete accounts. I wish I could delete feels the same way. It’ll take some time. An achievement is that I didn’t cry myself to sleep as expected, so that’s great!!
To prevent anyone else from having this heartbreak and God forbid prolonging it as I did, here are some thoughts I have, and warning signs I blatantly ignored.
1) Never jump straight into the relationship without knowing the person first. He could be an ass and you wouldn’t know till 3 months later, when you have invested so much care, sleep, effort and most important of all, time for him.
2) In the relationships that will follow after this, I have decided not to love the guy till we get married. Of course I’d care for him and like like him. But to not love is a safe plan. I loved this ex of mine and look at what happened – he told me the same thing but 3 months into the relationship he changed his mind.
3) Once you even get a figment of doubt, quickly act on it. I gave so many excuses for his lousy behaviour and caused myself unnecessary suffering. In his break up text, he never said sorry for hurting me, which meant he didn’t evem know I was hurt and confused so deeply subsequently after the 3 month period.
4) If he is bipolar as fuck, it’s time to leave. He was scarily bipolar. It probably is a medical condition. It didn’t occur in the duration of the conversation, but always 24 hours at least. And now that I count it, I’ve seen more of the bad side of him than the good.
5) I do not regret this toxic relationship because I’ve learnt so much about a lot of things, in terms of relationships, online dating and guys who I definitely do not want as a boyfriend, hence for sure axing him as a potential husband.
I’ll be more careful in the future, and I’m never online dating ever again.