• Still doubt trusting you

    by  • May 8, 2018 • Betrayal • 0 Comments

    As I sit here and watch you sleep, I wish there was more love for me to prove to myself and you that I can overcome what you have done to me. Yes, we’ve only been together for a few months and known each for so long, but I cant shake the feeling of being hurt again. Knowing the hurt is the worst part. Knowing that you can turn a blind eye to your actions without hesitation of how it would affect me. Knowing that you’ve seen previous relationships do the same to me and far worse. To know that my trust will never fully be obtained with you again. And sadly knowing that ill never trust your girl friends lesbian or straight. The texts between you and her while I was in such a fret over how your sister was causing you problems again at your moms. Knowing that you took a shower for her while she begged for you to be inside her and going, in her own words, 50/50 on condoms. All the while I’m texting you that I can pick you up and have you be safe in my arms….only to know that you told her that youd have to be home by 1 and that you could only fuck in her car. It sucks having a photographic memory. It sucks sitting here and crying silently while you’re fast asleep. I want to trust you again. We both know that is a trial that may never be conquered. We talk of moving in together and living our lives together and being happy. All the while I’m scared knowing the hurt will come back. I could be selfish in my own way and do the same youve done to me. But I never will. Again I know the feeling all too well. I wanted you to be my last and final. I want us to be married and eventually not right away with kids. I want for us to be happy the way your best friend is with his wife. I hate that I am jealous of that. Ive always wanted that. And now that I am finally with you…..I’m ready. But I can easily see and now that you may not be. I will continue to love you and believe that you will prove me wrong…but I will also put my heart on the shelf until I can see that this is what you truly want. I am that pathetic hopeless romantic. Thats all I can offer.

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