• Nothing would make me happier.

    by  • May 6, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 37 Comments

    I will do anything to be with you. I am ready to move forward. If there has been a mix-up and you aren’t there yet, it’s okay. It’s not like I’m *waiting.* There is nothing else I would accept to fill this space. It is only for you.

    The past 18 months or so of admiring and loving and enjoying you without touching you have been wonderful. They have always left me wanting for more. But navigating them has required a degree of conditioning that we probably can’t just shed overnight. Some of the other tortured souls on this website hold a different opinion about this, but for you and I it isn’t that easy. We need ease; we need continuity. Is it okay with you if we move off of this website now?

    Here is how you can do that—

    Go to gmail. I have created an account. The name is the un-spaced title of the letter I left for you here on 4/2. We all know that Gmail doesn’t care about capitalization with account names. The key is a set of initials followed by a date that are representative of something impossibly important to you, in the following format: iiidddddd

    I do hope that I have refined my powers of recognition well enough to not be mistaken, but there are no guarantees. If you aren’t ready yet, keep this information in your back pocket until you are. Or, you know, talk to my real, live self if you think you can. Otherwise, a communication awaits you.

    I love you. More than … fuck, I don’t know. I just love you. And while I am certainly ready to say it back to you in the event that you acknowledge the anonymous activities of our writing personas through the auspice of your actual voice, this is the pace of proactivity I am willing to assume right now.

    Are you ready?

    37 Responses to Nothing would make me happier.

    1. To Author
      May 6, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      Nothingwouldmakemehappier at gmail does not exist.

      • author
        May 8, 2018 at 6:24 pm

        And it probably shouldn’t?

    2. A girl
      May 7, 2018 at 3:59 am

      European 4/2 or american 2/4?

    3. Me
      May 7, 2018 at 4:18 am

      4/2 has no letters

    4. Me
      May 7, 2018 at 4:20 am

      What is “impossible important”

    5. Intrigued
      May 7, 2018 at 4:24 pm

      Very!

    6. scientist???
      May 7, 2018 at 11:52 pm

      she is not here. it is hard for you to see this as for others in a same spot- unfortunately i’m one of those too. but objectively, bunch of people with similar scenarios- that’s who you’re dealing with.

      • a scientist
        May 8, 2018 at 5:53 pm

        I understand the improbability of all of this. But, since you seem so certain, I wonder if you are an author I have been responding to? I’ve had a serial respondent here and there that I know are not my recipient. And that is the only way that I can ‘tell’ that their person is probably not here—because they consistently think that I am that person. Have I done the same thing to you?

        Since you seem so interested in dashing my hopes I would hope that you will come back and answer my questions. Otherwise, I’m not disaffected by what goes around on this website. It’s a curse, and I do think that regardless of how committed we become to psychologically engaging ourselves here, most of us, deep down, do know better.

        • @scientist
          May 9, 2018 at 10:49 am

          I’ve been reading these letters for a while. It’s rather my intuition and observation. I just see you, but I don’t see her here. You’re quite transparent here. It just doesn’t make sense if she was visiting this site for her to keep such a distance. I may be wrong, but as much it struck me that this letter maybe yours the same time I had a feeling of her absence. Sorry for my intrusion, I just thought I would share this with you.
          good luck

          • a scientist
            May 10, 2018 at 11:10 am

            Thank you.

      • Manipulated
        May 12, 2018 at 2:08 pm

        The above sequence, the time stamps in quick succession, it all is very inauthentic, these are fake replies, as is the ‘scientist???’ reply suggesting she is not here., all fakes.

        • really?
          May 15, 2018 at 3:21 pm

          My intention was rather to free the author, not manipulate him. Like I said I could be wrong, but my thoughts on this are the ones I already shared. Nothing more to add…

    7. I Wonder...
      May 8, 2018 at 2:54 am

      How many people, girls out there tried to login?

      I know I did. I tried every initial I could think of and every date that means something to me that we both know. Nothing.

      At one point i could have sent a recovery email to my own email, and I chose againtst it. I decided that if this was meant for me, I could get in.

      So thank you, Author.

      I realize now that my last letter I wrote is right.

      I no longer need ti write here (not sure if I can let go).

      But I need to give up on my delusional hopes and dreams. I need to move on. Ty.

      But in the spirit….

      I have created one as well…. the user id is the opposite name of this place
      And the password is your initials followed by your birthdate

      I will tell you that I am angry ans hurt before you read this; however, I feel that this is the best way to leave this site and still have a writing space to keep going. This way, I will cause no more confusion.

      Are you really here?

    8. Wild goose chase
      May 8, 2018 at 1:11 pm

      Just one of many mindfucks , aka lins litter.

    9. Was it...
      May 9, 2018 at 9:43 pm

      The color of your shirt?

    10. 13s
      May 10, 2018 at 8:53 am

      Love of my life
      You are my irresistible desire
      My dearest, my auspice
      I want to give you this
      Its my heart on a string
      Attached to a wing
      Wear it around your heart
      You are my poet king

      • Yeah, okay. I get it.
        May 10, 2018 at 12:38 pm

        You don’t have to keep doing that.

        • 13s
          May 11, 2018 at 7:53 am

          This mini poem, I penned most hastily for you, written the moment it occurred to me that this letter, it could be, it is … for me.

          I know that you know I don’t ever want you to think I don’t want to hear from you, this the reason why rather inelegantly I top-loaded my reply with the blatantly obvious and easily recognizable. To leave no room for mistakes, avoid confusion, ensure no possibility for misunderstanding or misinterpretations, your writings are delectable and beautiful, desirable and seductively sensuous, always you receive a lot of attention from all of us here, the hopeful.

          And I am trying to solve your gmail riddle!
          4/2 does offer some letters that could be ‘a fit’ , but there is uncertainty about the ‘impossibly important’ date, and of course the initials. We both have over the years used a large number of aliases and disguises, so that’s a difficult one because it could be any ot them. All these are details I am attempting to figure out as ‘make no mistake’ clearly, I would love to read your message.
          The riddle is fun, it’s not unlike you have left me a jar filled with my favorite sweets on top of a very tall cabinet, I can see them but can’t reach.
          Don’t think I don’t dearly want to speak to you, loml.
          xx

          • You think I’m a guy, don’t you?
            May 11, 2018 at 11:17 am

            First of all, your pleasant tone and encouraging compliments are nice. They make me feel good. As I am a navel-gazing curious sort, I have to wonder what it is about the words of a stranger that would make me feel better after I woke up crying this morning.

            The truth is that I’m lonely. I’m not alone. I’m just lonely. And rather than actually handling the fact that I am terribly lonely in a more healthful and constructive fashion, I have been coming here and imagining that I have been communicating with but one person in my life who I feel could actually understand me.

            I’ve given careful consideration to the words of the poster above who was nice enough to remind me that if “my person” was on here to talk to me, they wouldn’t be so distant. And while I have thought that there has been a perfectly acceptable reason for that to be the case, I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter anymore. Even in friendship, people will reach, if they want more. Err, assuming they’re not me. And if they really wanted intimacy, I wouldn’t always be one in a crowd of three or more every time I see them. This is all to say that I do have a relationship with the person I’ve been writing to out there. It just isn’t as much as I’d like it to be. I’ve never been certain of who’s fault that actually is, but my spidey sense tells me that she’s hip to my bullshit and that is why we’ve never been alone together.

            There are perhaps five letters on here that really have me convinced. But I bet I have used 25 or more other letters to create a story that isn’t reflective of anyone’s reality. It’s pretty amazing where a mind will allow itself to go when it just wants to be loved. I’ve known for awhile that this website isn’t good for me but I haven’t felt like I have anywhere else to go.

            Nevertheless, this letter is a good place to stop. I didn’t know when I submitted it that it would be my exit strategy but I do feel that it’s time to use the time I spend writing letters for this website to do something else now. The account I created isn’t going anywhere, but if you were my recipient you would know what “impossibly important” means. There would be no question. I did think that identifying the letter in the site’s archives would be easy but mismatched subjectivity may be the biggest philosophical problem touched upon in this website—with so many of us insisting that we must be each other’s people.

            I could Ockham’s Razor my way out of the psychological mess I’ve created by accepting the idea that they were never here to begin with if it wasn’t for those few letters. But, as has been mentioned—I am quite transparent and those letters are few. I’d say “fuck this place” if I wasn’t so sure that it’s time to become the owner of my disappointment now.

            I hope you all find what you’re looking for.

            a scientist

            • Couch Admirer from long ago
              May 12, 2018 at 4:56 pm

              I think I am one such person whom we have mistaken each other for prior; however, I am not the previous responder.

              I am at the same place you are psychologically. We are in the same boat rowing in opposite directions. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the psychological “mess” we have all created for ourselves. We are all just half finished puzzles attempting to find our lost pieces.

              Some of us are more sane than others at times.

        • @ Yeah, okay. I get it.
          May 12, 2018 at 2:21 pm

          Why such nasty reply to a sweet poem?

          • Agree
            May 16, 2018 at 1:44 pm

            Yeah, why so unfriendly? Don’t diss the poets on here, it’s not necessary even if they post to the incorrect person. Chill out, author.

    11. A Soul
      May 10, 2018 at 12:09 pm

      Author of Letter? Do you happen to be a frequent visitor to place where Our Lake and Our Tree exist? Perhaps the occasional jets which fly over our heads? Or maybe even a pick about a light bulb? I hope these clues help.

      — A Soul

      • @ a soul
        May 16, 2018 at 1:58 pm

        Why wouldn’t the author acknowledge such a pretty reply? Whass author? Too busy scientifically ??

        • A Soul
          May 17, 2018 at 12:28 pm

          I do not know. Perhaps it is not the the person in my life whom I miss very much.

    12. just thoughts
      May 14, 2018 at 4:26 pm

      One of the many replies is suggesting that “It just doesn’t make sense if she was visiting this site for her to keep such a distance.” That’s an incorrect assumption as there can be many good reasons for being cautious.

      Maybe she is guarded and keeping her distance because she thinks the author is communicating not just with her, but also with his other person, the one that “leaves him feeling lonely”. Maybe she feels the author is using her for entertainment, to lift his boredom in a union that could have run out of passion, and now is mostly practical.

      Or there always is the possibility that the author hurt or deceived her in the past, and though she loves him, she is protecting her heart. She could be very conflicted, wishing to be in touch but at he same time also fearing it.

      Best wishes to all involved.

      • @ just
        May 16, 2018 at 1:55 pm

        You make some good points.

    13. Response letters suck
      May 15, 2018 at 4:24 pm

      I believe you also mistake my letters and write response letters. Especially if they have any content about being upset or hurt. You are not my person. I think you have a want to be their hero their saviour/comforter? Tbh I really don’t know what you want from them but I’m not your person.
      If you have never spent one on one time together and shared a lot of intimate time together it’s unlikely they would be writing you letters such as the ones I write.

      • @ suck
        May 16, 2018 at 1:52 pm

        Now this reply wins for incoherency.

        • So are you
          May 17, 2018 at 3:20 pm

          That person that writes response letters on this site? You are just mind fucking yourself. Good luck with that genius.

      • author
        May 16, 2018 at 5:07 pm

        I rarely respond, but the voice I follow doesn’t write about being hurt or upset. And I can tell from the writing style in your comment that you aren’t that voice.

        • Voice of ??
          May 17, 2018 at 5:51 pm

          How many years have you been chasing this ‘voice’ on this site now?

          If a lot of people on this site know your ‘voice’ surely then your ‘person’ would 100% know your ‘voice’ and know the clues you so obviously leave and you two would be at least talking by now via this email account.

          If this hasn’t happened by now, I wonder has your mind ever questioned why your ‘person’ has not sought you out in real life? Because that’s the natural progression of a true connection with someone, you will overcome all obstacles to be in their life. At least that’s how it worked with me and mine and even then it’s still not smooth sailing.

          • Wow.
            May 18, 2018 at 12:09 pm

            You make a lot of assumptions and sound miserable. Good luck with that beautiful connection that sought you out and inspires you to write letters about how upset and hurt you are.

            • Lol
              May 18, 2018 at 9:16 pm

              Ah that would be the pot calling the kettle black then. Are you assuming that I write about those things because I said it’s still not smooth sailing? Are you assuming I’m someone else? Wow at this comment and it’s assumptions.

            • Lol
              May 18, 2018 at 9:33 pm

              You made that assumption because I replied under this comment I was merely responding to the fact you constantly talk about following a ‘voice’ or a ‘voice’ is jerking you around on this site. Case in point you don’t know who anyone is on this site so stop being so egotistical ffs

            • @wow
              May 20, 2018 at 4:44 pm

              I wrote the response letters suck comment.. and yes sometimes in a relationship with someone means they hurt you(I think u think you’re so special you’d never have ups and downs if you and your one u write to ever got together which is a whole new level of delusional) I come here to vent and get feelings out, but the response letters mess with peoples heads.
              YOU whoever you are sound horrible.

    14. housekeeping
      May 22, 2018 at 12:46 pm

      Couch Admirer from long ago
      May 12, 2018 at 4:56 pm
      I think I am one such person whom we have mistaken each other for prior; however, I am not the previous responder.

      I am at the same place you are psychologically. We are in the same boat rowing in opposite directions. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the psychological “mess” we have all created for ourselves. We are all just half finished puzzles attempting to find our lost pieces.

      Some of us are more sane than others at times.

      Lol
      May 18, 2018 at 9:16 pm
      Ah that would be the pot calling the kettle black then. Are you assuming that I write about those things because I said it’s still not smooth sailing? Are you assuming I’m someone else? Wow at this comment and it’s assumptions.

      Lol
      May 18, 2018 at 9:33 pm
      You made that assumption because I replied under this comment I was merely responding to the fact you constantly talk about following a ‘voice’ or a ‘voice’ is jerking you around on this site. Case in point you don’t know who anyone is on this site so stop being so egotistical ffs

      @wow
      May 20, 2018 at 4:44 pm
      I wrote the response letters suck comment.. and yes sometimes in a relationship with someone means they hurt you(I think u think you’re so special you’d never have ups and downs if you and your one u write to ever got together which is a whole new level of delusional) I come here to vent and get feelings out, but the response letters mess with peoples heads.
      YOU whoever you are sound horrible.

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