I feel so stupid. You see, I think that I have confused others here in a similar situation as me. I think that I have mistaken their words for each other as words from the one I write to.
My person doesn’t matriculate here on this site. I doubt he even knows of this site. It is very unlikely, unless he has snooped through my personal belongings. At times I will admit, I have hoped silently (and sometimes feared) that is the case. But it can’t be. Statistically, these sites are generally heavily female populated. It is very likely that most of these posts are from females, and in turn, most of the replies are from females as well. It is extrememly unlikely that two people who yearn for each other just happen to visit the same site to work out their internal conflicts anonymously and just happen to recognize each other and… oh! It must be fate! Right?
So it’s time to let go. At least let go of the hope that he will one day find my posts and realize the admiration for him that I hide deep inside. Give up hope that he will realize how much pain I endure daily and how strong I have been for so long. Things like that just don’t happen. Not in this world.
Fantasy is only fantasy. And he doesn’t love me. That is reality.
We csn never be, due to our live’s choices. That is reality.
He doesn’t even know the depth of my feelings. That is reality.
He told me what I mean. He defined our relationship. He loves me, but there is no infatuation or romance there. That is reality.
I just have to keep reminding myself these things.
It is time to rejoin the real world of pain and let go of fantasy land where I am craved, adored, protected, admired, adored, loved, and lusted after. That simply is not reality. The reality is I am simply needed.