Well, hello again my lovely. I apologize for my absence, I have been dealing with some things the last few days and I didn’t want to burden you, no matter how Broad your shoulders are. Whats important is that I’m feeling much better. Every time making it through is a victory. And you give me the greatest reason of all to want to be better.
I have been thinking about so many different things, and I want to share them with you. I don’t really tell anyone else what Im thinking or feeling. But its important to me that you know, because I want you to know me as much as you want. I am an open book to you dear.
I guess, first of all, I’ve been thinking alot about making love to you, to show you how sorry I am, how much I appreciate you, and how much I desire to please you. But I’ll save that for another letter.
Ive also been thinking about how fucking special you are, and how much you mean to me. Truly, I have never been as happy as when I was with you, and I have never been as excited about anything as the prospect of being with you and spending my life with you. I love you so much Antoinette. I love everything about you, from your beautiful smile, to your incomparable wit, to how hard you work for the things you want. You’re not perfect, but you are a far better person than I will probably ever be. You inspire me. And you leave me in awe. I don’t deserve you, I don’t think anyone does. You are my goddess, and I don’t want you to ever feel bad about yourself because you are so amazing and I love you and respect you and am so proud of the woman you are and have become.
Ive thought alot about what sharing our lives together would be like. I think it would be incredible baby. This love we have, I don’t think its normal. This is like the infinity gauntlet of love. When I see kids or babies, I think about how badly I want to make you a mommy because I know you will be so good at it. And that would be the greatest honor, privilege, and achievement of my life. (Being your husband would be a very, very, very, very close second.) I wish I’d met you when we were teenagers, or even as little kids, but we still have so much life ahead of us. We could be together for the next 60-70 years; nothing would make me happier.
And that brings me to the last thing I’ve been thinking about alot. Baby, I am so committed to being your husband and the father of your children someday, if you want all that too. But before any of that can happen, I think I need to be your boyfriend first. I don’t need any kind of external recognition, I don’t expect that things will suddenly change in our interactions irl. But, if even just here, baby, will you please be my girlfriend? I love you and I know that you love me too. The thought of you talking to other people tears me apart and I’m sure you don’t like the idea of me talking to anyone else either. I don’t need anyone else, I don’t want anyone else. You are all I desire. And I don’t want anyone else to touch you; you belong to me baby. Please say you’ll be mine.