• I mean it

    by  • April 30, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    When I say “I hope You have found someone that makes you feel it.” I hope your energys flow together and intertwine like no other. I miss you. I didn’t walk away unscathed, but I’m healing. I thought I needed you. Who wouldn’t think that? I have never had my energy mix with another so easily. I give you that. I wouldn’t ever go there again with you. Its too hard to heal. Few years and I still find myself reminiscing. I don’t need you to have my energy flow. I don’t expect to flow like that again. Why? Because each flow is different. Everyone has different energy. Am I looking for another flow source? No, but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I wasn’t looking when I we found eachother. Do I still want to be friends again? Well I didn’t stop being your friend. I won’t ever stop being your friend, even if we never see eachother again. Our situation was because of both of our decisions. Our seperation was because of both of our decisions. I don’t hang that on my shoulders anymore. I use too. It is what it is. I feel that we could possibly run into one another again and we would just have to see what we decide then. I won’t stop life in hopes of that happening because it may not. I do miss you. Your company. You could make me laugh deep. Our talks. I could talk to you about anything and you didn’t judge. Thats rare to find. With our chemistry it may not be a good idea to hang out. Our energy makes me want to draw closer than what just friends would do. I don’t know if that changes with time being apart and I may never know that answer. You are the first for me in that area like I said. Never the less. I hope you have found a flow that knocks you off your feet. Its an awesome find. Maybe that would make it possible to be just friends and hangout as such. You weren’t available when we were flowing and I delved in anyway. I deserve what I’m having to endure. My plans right now are to start focusing on building myself and my child security. You may have walked away and never gave me a second thought. I do understand. I’m sure our decisions made many complications for you. They did me. I know that. I don’t and won’t take full blame for us. Your a smart person and know what you were doing. Too you I may have never been worth your time and attention. Maybe I was an inconvenience and you didn’t want to have to tell me, so you cut all ties. Thats how it looks from my perspective anyway, but I’m not expecting anyone to see it my way. I’m not going to play the victim. I’m guilty aswell. Yes I think we could have an awesome friendship and do awesome things. I just don’t hang on to the hopes of that anymore. I now realize you may never want anything to do with me ever again. I’m not about to go knock on your door and ask. Its just not in me. All contact was cut and I’m not sure why. Misunderstanding on both sides? Miscommunication on both sides? I’ve tried calling and texting and I just dont see those being the answer. May be the answer, but my gut says differently. I don’t and won’t cause you more trouble. I love you too much for that. My love for you will never die. Its unconditional, even if you’ve decided to walk away and not look back at all. I know the chances of you reading this is slim to none. This is a good place to vent without over exposure, but I would want you to know this is me talking to you. You could come to me with anything and I would be there for you. I give you my word on that. I do hope your letting someone love you and your living life happily. Know you are missed. I’m still maimed, but I’m healing. For the first time in a long time I made people laugh. My whole family at that. My mother said ” Now thats the old ****** coming out.” When she said that I’ve realized my family misses me even though I’ve been around them all the time. The last few years was taking its toll on me. Hanging on to someone who has moved on was weighing me down. My light was getting dimmer. I can feel it coming back and people around me can see it. I didn’t until they pointed it out. I realized I’ve been quite absent menally.

    Love you bunches.
    Maybe someday we will reunite.
    Know you have someone in your corner. Its genuine for me. Always will be.

    Love B.

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