I dreamt of you last night … it was a long, amazing dream. It started with us at work together, like it was years ago. Me watching you, knowing you were done with all we shared (I fell in love with you like I never had before and I never will again), but hoping and hoping you would just look my way and smile or say something to me … make me feel that bond and connection I thought we had. But nothing all day, I ached and hoped and watched and hoped and waited … then you came by with a question for me. You bent over my desk and we talked through the issue you were working on, you looked at me, I looked at you, we both smiled, and I felt such warmth and happiness, just from that. Alli, I woke up feeling that warmth, and also the ache of knowing that I didn’t have that anymore. I miss you!!!!!! I miss you so much that even 5 years later with minimal contact, a simple, innocent dream like that fills me with you and I can’t think of anything else all day.
I wish so much I could send this to you, but I have a strong feeling that an email from me is the last thing you want. So I post it places you may look if you wanted to hear from me … but mostly I post it because I HAVE to write this down; I post this to keep myself from emailing you. Alli, I am so very sorry for how I acted at the end, I truly lost control: I shared too much, and I didn’t stop expressing all my feelings and needs when you had made it clear you didn’t want to hear them any more. I’m sorry for any and all the pain I brought you at a time in your life when you didn’t need more stress. I wish you happiness and love in your life, you deserve it all. I hope you think of me sometimes, and I hope you smile when you do. I love you deeply and forever, and I wish for renewing our friendship one day … I dream of it. I’m sorry Alli, I love you.