What is there left to say?
My obsession with the idea that you might come here and read my words and actually know the truth is mental torture sometimes.
But you don’t care. You never did, really. And I really have no right to expect you to.
I just keep getting everything so mixed and jumbled in my head. I keep wishing for you to be here and be privy to my thought/feelings. But at the same time the vulnerability of that exposure frightens me to the core.
I still am not sure if you do or do not visit this site. If you do not, there are a LOT of similarities in our situation that also matches others who frequent here. This causes much confusion and heartbreak.
I keep telling myself that I am here to work through this in the only way I can, but the truth is that some part of me hopes for you to find the things I have written for you. The other parts of me fear too much exposure.
Either way, if you are here, please know that I love you and I am sorry for how things have turned out between us. You are blocking me lately and I deserve it. I know I do. I don’t have expectations with you; however, I do care. I know things are tough for you at the moment, but you deserve to be happy. I want you to do what you need to in order to be happy.