To my two sisters,
when i was 5 i watched the police officer come knock on my door while you yelled out you needed to get ready. I remember watching them when they told you to put on this orange jumpsuit and hand cuff you while they took my 2 nieces away from our home.
when i was 10, you were mad that mom asked you to take me with those two nieces to the mall so instead of making sure i was in the car you sped off and i went under the car.
when i was 16, you jumped on my bed while mom was scared and put your two hands over my neck and told me you’d murder me if i ever mentioned my nieces name
and for you jo,
when i was 7 you wanted me to stop crying so you picked me up and threw me in the shower and sprayed cold water and told me you wouldnt turn it off until i stopped crying.
your boyfriend dragged me across the carpet of the apartment
maria and jo,
every year you would bully me for being fat or for being a mommy’s girl or for going to a rich white girl school. you teased me of my talents and you lowered my self esteem. you betted i would turn gay because i didn’t have a boyfriend.
my graduation from high school you paid a guy $10 to use his airhorn during my name and your friends told me i deserved to thank you for being the best big sister.
you would hit me with a belt and get in my face.
you would leave me home alone when i was scared to be by myself at the age of 9
three years ago maria you got cancer and when you did i was there for you more so than your own daughter who was sick of you complaining about your cancer. I have a tough time when strong women are no longer well. i shut down and close my door and never wanted to talk to you and because you told everyone that i am ungrateful.
i rewrote letters for you and taught you how to write. tutored my niece to graduation while i did all on my own
I am $9,000 in debt and until i can fund raise enough money i will not graduate college but instead your response it that your daughter who gets free tuition because she place my address down for her drivers license is struggle the first before any of you did. I will have to move home and the first thing you say is don’t bring that mental illness shit down here.
years. and years of your abuse. years of keeping my mouth quiet.
years and years of you abusing mom and abusing me.
and now here i am at 24, jo is 34, and you 40 and you continue to threaten me
yet the things listed above you do not remember you deny them to happen in a way to torture me with your abuse.
mom says to forgive and forget but the PTSD that i have been clinically diagnosed with does not allow me to forget.