• midnight pining

    by  • April 4, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning • 0 Comments

    N,

    There is so much I tell you- you know so much about my inner workings and you drag me from so so so many dark places because you somehow know exactly what I need to hear in that moment, you make me laugh and know when I need a coffee

    But we’ll never be more than we are now.

    God I’m so happy for you to have her, and to be honest I’m more than a little in love with her too, but neither of you would ever even consider taking me along on your journey together. That’s ok though, I’d never ask that of either of you.

    But god, do I want to ask that of both of you. I want you, N, same as I want L- I want all of your passion and fierce protectiveness and I want you to look at me like you look at each other. I want to wake up next to both of you because both of your friendships make me feel like less of a freak and like I can actually make it through in this big mess of my life.

    The people I want to talk to about this to help me get over this are the exact two I can never tell, and it just feels like a weight buried in my chest that I don’t know will ever go away.

    Still can’t wait to be godparent though no matter what,

    J

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