• To K-

    by  • April 2, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 10 Comments

    I ask myself why I am afraid because I know you and I know I have nothing to fear from you.
    I ask myself why I doubt that you have feeling for me when I know you have feelings for me.
    A get a million answers in my head that are all fucking wrong.
    I am too old to play this game with myself in my head anymore.
    I know what I feel, I know what I want, and I am going to go for it.

    So here is a heads up of what I hope is going to happen.
    But first I want to say:
    I AM going to be nervous.
    I AM going to fumble my words.
    I AM going to be scared as hell.
    It WILL not go smoothly by any means.
    But I REFUSE to lose you again because I did not even try.
    So next weekend, I hope I can get some time to talk to you alone.

    I will start off with the easier stuff like how my current relationship has ended even thou the formal process is still in progress.

    Then I will talk about how the relationship was doomed from the beginning.

    Then I will talk about why I stayed in it as long as I did.

    Then if everything is still going ok, I tell you something I hope you already sorta know (This is intense part that makes everything clear and is also the highest anxiety).

    Then depending on how you respond to all that we can have further dialog.

    I am not going to ask you anything that’s about you or us.
    This is only going to be about me, unless you wish to include yourself in the conversation. I am hoping you will but I will NOT push.

    If you say something that comes out wrong, sounds bad, or maybe is not true; Feel free to correct yourself or change your mind. I understand that first reactions can be a defensive reaction in this type of situation.
    Everything discussed will be between us.
    Nothing needs to go public about us but can if we both agree too.

    Know this if we start something together:
    I am 100% all in, this is not a test, this is not a maybe, I should have done this long ago.
    That said, it is not going to be a real fast change because, for the lack of a better term, I have loose ends to clean up, but I want to start US soon/now.
    I’m guessing you want to be close to your family, so if things are moving in the right direction for a period of time, I will most likely be relocating to somewhere near you and hopefully in a place with you.

    I know most of your quirks, don’t worry about them with me.
    I know you like your space, that’s cool.
    We will need to discuss any concerns, do’s, and don’t do’s, about anything.

    If all this works out and we start something, I ask only these things:
    Let your guard down, mine will be 100% down with you.
    Communicate with me and don’t hold back (We do not do this part very well but we need to fix that if this is going to work).
    Be 100% in, I am.
    I will quit smoking.

    I Love You,

    10 Responses to To K-

    1. T
      April 2, 2018 at 3:47 pm

      Oh my, if only this was my him, made me cry, because well I do wish he felt this way and secretly I do wish he would find a way like he said he would, and I would love to openly talk about what we are feeling without feeling like I shouldn’t even be feeling it because of our reality. When I read the quit smoking part, I balled, I did it, he can too! TK

    2. Thank you
      April 3, 2018 at 7:34 pm

      I am not your person. But, I wanted to say thank you. Your letter speaks to me…I wish my person would voluntarily write a letter like that to me. You should send this one! I hope it all works out for the two of you.

    3. Me
      April 8, 2018 at 9:00 pm

      Saturday went better than I imagined. But I still need to communicate better with you.

      • K
        April 9, 2018 at 3:00 pm

        I do not care if it did or did not, and You think? It is f***ed up when there has been no nasty-ass emails that I have had to read, and then suddenly . . . Bam . . . . the nasty starts up again. I did not do anything, yet I am to endure comments and subject matter that is nauseating. I will not. I did nothing wrong or right to have to put up with that shit.
        I have NEVER spoken to you that way.

        • @K
          April 10, 2018 at 10:49 pm

          WTF? Who is this? I am a K. Are you a K? Or other initial?

          • @D
            April 12, 2018 at 4:20 pm

            Don’t Even . . .
            Yes, I am a K. And playing dumb does not help. I want nice. I want honest. I want real. And I do not deserve being thrown to the side ever time YOU think it is necessary. I do not know why it continues.

            • K to K
              April 17, 2018 at 5:46 am

              I’m a K too. Is K you’re first or second initial?

            • ?
              April 17, 2018 at 12:27 pm


        • Author of this post
          April 14, 2018 at 8:46 pm

          I am so confused by this response.
          I think this might be mistaken identity.
          Neither K or D sent or would send “nasty-ass emails”.

    4. K
      April 15, 2018 at 10:30 am

      I thought that you quit smoking a long time ago. -K

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