• Path

    by  • April 2, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Mr. Litheko,

    As I build my monument to you in my minds eye

    There are no words to describe you

    As I caress your being with my eyes

    There are no verses to describe you

    As I lay my heart on your spiritual hands

    Unbeknown to you

    There are no words of wisdom to describe you

    Your very essence

    As I carve your name spiritually in stone

    There you’ll always be present

    Forever immortalised

    This man I love

    Have always loved

    Will always love

    Can you feel it?

    My heart and soul spilling over

    Ululating to that which I adore, cherish and love

    Nothing can describe you

    You

    You

    You

    When I was down or had thought I was forgotten

    I had the love I had for you to remind me that it will be ok

    In so many ways you’ve helped me grow

    Directly and indirectly

    I owe you a debt of gratitude

    Thank you

    Thank you

    Thank you

    In lamentation I seek now to prepare

    As I try to prepare myself to be without love of you

    As I look at every thing in 360 degree angles

    Playing and rewinding over and over again in my mind

    I let you down

    Let you down badly

    I let love in

    You fled for cover

    I thought you loved me too

    I thought you cared

    I was wrong

    I thought your love for me would urge you to seek me out

    I thought your care for me would show me the way

    To tell me when I have strayed

    I was wrong

    I was left all alone without answers

    Only questions and my emotions swirling all over

    If that was your way of rejecting me, I get it now

    If that was your way of telling me I am wrong I get it

    You didnt want to deal with me

    Its ok

    Left alone with love spilling over from my soul

    Scared I tried to correct but failed miserably

    I fell into darkness

    I messed up

    I messed up badly

    I ruined everything didnt I

    I shouldnt have brought up the matter

    I shouldnt have said anything in the first place

    And I am scared

    As I move down this path

    Without love

    Without you

    Like a ghost vanished from sight

    You are no longer in my life

    You have taken yourself from me

    Without words

    Without action

    I know not how you truly feel

    I know not what you truly want to say to me now

    If you want to say anything to me

    I seriously doubt you do though

    I know not even what you truly wanted to say to me then

    Hidden deep within your heart and soul

    Your anger, hurt, hate, unforgiveness for changing the dynamic

    For changing everything

    I would have welcomed the truth, anything if you had said it

    I would have welcomed your inquiry

    To question me

    To interrogate me

    I would have welcomed it

    Good or bad cause it would have come from your mouth

    What is the truth?

    Where can one seek it if not from its very source

    The only truth that echoes back now is silence

    The silence echoes

    Echoes in vibrations of despair and pain

    You have never let me down in your feelings

    You have never let me down in your actions

    You have always been constant

    I just didnt get your message to go away

    To stop

    Because I didnt want to hear that

    Consumed by love my ears were deaf to the truth

    Eyes blinded by love to which was before me

    No one to blame but me

    I lost myself in love

    I lost myself into darkness

    I came to grips with my shadow self

    I found myself before a dark tunnel and instead of turning away I went in

    I couldnt run away from myself

    Why now, why because of this I dont know

    Instead of running away I embraced my shadow self in all its darkness

    Few encounter having to deal with their true self deep inside

    I struggled for a long time to find balance

    I forgot my way, my path

    I forgot me

    I forgot who I was in God

    Its just that I had never been faced with this kind of depth within myself

    I didnt even know it existed in me even when I knew there was such in others

    I didnt believe it could exist in me

    Naive, I know

    I am both good and bad and I am not scared anymore of the bad in me

    I am not proud nor boastful of it too

    I learned to find balance and to live with it

    I learned to overcome it

    I learned that running away solves nothing

    Running away from oneself solves nothing

    I embraced both

    Good and bad

    Through this journey on my path through darkness I re-learned selflessness, living with love and the welfare of others even if it means sacrificing that which I love

    To be dutiful, patient, focused with the assurance of the purposeful path set before

    I stumbled countless times

    Funny how going to the deep end when faced with your own darkness can help you find compassion for those going through the same thing

    Difference is some do it out of enjoyment with a pleasure of ruthlessness to cause pain

    I have come to understand darkness

    It doesnt surprise me anymore

    Its just a sense of acknowledgement of its existence and its vast pits that one can fall into

    Its a shame that we dont know our own power to overcome it

    To overcome the darkness that exists within us

    Others choose to give in to it

    But I choose to overcome it

    Its been a long time coming

    I just didnt want to let go

    It felt both blissful and painful, this cord between you and I

    Blissful because I took comfort in it

    I loved you

    Still do

    Painful because I knew that should it be severed it would cause great suffering in me

    A cord I had towards you of love

    The thought of it breaking scared me to death

    Fear of losing you

    It filled me with dread and desperation

    Felt like death

    Scared that should it break my life would end

    But it doesnt matter anymore

    What becomes of me from this point on doesnt matter

    Good or bad doesnt matter

    Even if it means wallking around aimlessly still with love inside

    You wont have to worry about me in your life anymore

    I am still unsure

    Unsure of everything

    Unsure of anything

    Not everything in life is set in stone

    Our decisions, our thoughts, our words, our spirits, our prayers and our actions even the slightest or flicker of emotions, right or wrong can change our paths every second of every minute

    So there are many paths in life but leading to only one end

    As I go down this path to try to forget

    Forget everything I ever treasured

    Forget everything I ever loved

    Forget hope

    Forget dreams

    Forget you the man I love

    To force myself to exist

    Exist without love, without love of you

    Exist without you in my life

    I beg for your forgiveness

    For breaking our friendship

    For making things awkward

    For destroying that which I should have been strong enough to protect

    But failed

    At this point my feelings dont matter

    It matters not what I say

    It matters not what I do

    It matters not what I go through

    Nothing matters

    Nothing

    Being out of your life is what is good for you then I guess it must be good for me too

    Modimo ke oo but you dont need me to tell you that cause you already know it

    I must remind myself though

    The words to reverberate through my being

    To be my refuge and my comfort

    All is in God and God is in all

    Therefore there is no loss in God

    There is no loss in God

    There is no loss in God

    There is no loss in God

    Ms. Tyolo aka Rantings of a woman in love

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