I keep finding myself here, writing. I keep putting these words and thoughts and feelings out there anonymously in some effort to stop the gushing of blood pouring from my heart.
I don’t want to have feelings anymore. I don’t want to yearn for you. I don’t want to keep reading intoyour behavior and words seeking any sign that my feelings are not in vain.
I hide behind these walls I have built up and let the pressure build and build until these feelings eventually ooze between the crevices and sometimes spills over the top of the wall. Sometimes the pressure is so strong that it blows a hole into this wall and explodes and spews out with the force of a fire hydrant.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold it back for long. Eventually, it pours out in an effort to release pressure.
I have made attempts to reach out to you and let you know that you are in my heart, but your silence tells me all that I need to know.
As soon as I put the breaks on, you come back around. Why? Do you just need to know that I am stil here? Do you just want me to want you? Do you want to see how long I will care and give when you show no interest?
Leave me alone. Let me go. Take off these handcuffs, please.