• Spilling Over

    by  • March 27, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 15 Comments

    I keep finding myself here, writing. I keep putting these words and thoughts and feelings out there anonymously in some effort to stop the gushing of blood pouring from my heart.

    I don’t want to have feelings anymore. I don’t want to yearn for you. I don’t want to keep reading intoyour behavior and words seeking any sign that my feelings are not in vain.

    I hide behind these walls I have built up and let the pressure build and build until these feelings eventually ooze between the crevices and sometimes spills over the top of the wall. Sometimes the pressure is so strong that it blows a hole into this wall and explodes and spews out with the force of a fire hydrant.

    No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold it back for long. Eventually, it pours out in an effort to release pressure.

    I have made attempts to reach out to you and let you know that you are in my heart, but your silence tells me all that I need to know.

    As soon as I put the breaks on, you come back around. Why? Do you just need to know that I am stil here? Do you just want me to want you? Do you want to see how long I will care and give when you show no interest?

    Leave me alone. Let me go. Take off these handcuffs, please.

    15 Responses to Spilling Over

    1. :(
      March 27, 2018 at 10:35 am

      I just want you to open up to me, stop being afraid and stop thinking of the worst that can happen, i am going to contact you today with hopes we can clear the air. Of course i care about you. I’m sorry you’re going through this and i can’t do anything to console you.

      • Author
        March 30, 2018 at 2:12 pm

        No one contacted me, so…

    2. Quack quack
      March 27, 2018 at 10:41 am

      The message below is mine, talk to me :/

      • Author a
        March 30, 2018 at 2:10 pm

        Ummm. I think you have mistaken me for another.

    3. To: The Owner of This Letter.
      March 27, 2018 at 11:15 am

      Your freed….. you win.

      I don’t even care if this letter was mine or not. If you really think about it, the letters on an anonymous site only belong to the person who writes it.

      I’m sure responses can work the same. No?

      • Author
        March 27, 2018 at 6:28 pm

        I suppose. Ty for responding.

    4. Trade
      March 27, 2018 at 11:20 am

      You give me my key and I’ll give you yours. I don’t want to be anyone’s prisoner either. This has gone on for far too long and they’re getting the straight jacket ready for me. I don’t want to end up in a padded room over whatever (this) is.

      • Author
        March 27, 2018 at 6:27 pm

        Perhaps we will have adjoining cells.

        Several years in this confusion here!

        So tired.

        Ty for your reply.

      • *Not the author
        March 28, 2018 at 4:30 am

        Maybe/maybe not – you probably think I wrote this, but why would I write this now? I know you are afraid sometimes I’m going to walk away but we are good aren’t we? I hope I don’t get treated differently on the maybe I wrote this :’(
        You know you can always talk to me.

    5. reply
      March 27, 2018 at 11:58 am

      While, I don’t think you are my person. But if you are, then please know that I have Not been silent. I just stopped using my initials seeing that you don’t use yours & this is an anonymous site. I love you, but you have Not reached out to me outside of this website And told me how you truly feel about me. You are hiding behind this anonymous site instead of directly telling me. I directly contacted you And told you how I feel & you basically told me to move on. So what do expect from me?

      • Author
        March 27, 2018 at 6:26 pm

        You can not be my person. They give new meaning to the strong silent type. But ty for commenting.

    6. Dot Matricks
      March 27, 2018 at 12:08 pm

      Not everyone will share their deepest feelings in a public forum. You shouldn’t try to guess what they’re feeling— looking for cues and clues. Find out first hand. They might be hurting worse than you are.

      • Author
        March 27, 2018 at 6:25 pm

        Thanks for the reply. I did talk to this person face to face once, but it did no good. Their silence was enough to begin letting them go. But their actions continue to tell me a story… That is what this letter is about. The continuous circle of them not telling me I mean anything, but they continue to show deeper affections with behaviors, actions. They listen to me like no other and the eye contact! I find this person staring sometimes, and the unneccessary brush of fingertips when passing an object. Not to mention the going out of the way to spend time together or do something kind for me. Yet, still… silence.

        Its enough to make a person crazy.

      • Author again
        March 30, 2018 at 2:06 pm

        And he isn’t hurting at all. He isn’t interested.

    7. Redstringoffate
      March 27, 2018 at 4:30 pm

      Bye!!

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