My first true love,
I remember the first time I met you, you had me pick you up after school one day so we could go to PIR, I was unbearably nervous to meet you. I had no idea what you would be like or what you would think of me, but I played it off like I wasn’t scared, like I wasn’t nervous at all. I parked in your school parking lot and waited for you to come to my truck. Once I saw you walking towards me I knew you were the one I wanted, you were so beautiful in every way imaginable. You had long brown hair, tan skin, and baby blue eyes that I fell in love with immediately. Once you got in my truck I was so nervous, and I could tell you were too.
We spent the whole day together, I took you to one of my favorite spots on the river and we sat there getting to know each other, laughing, talking about everything, and having a good time. Later on we made it to PIR and you met all of my friends, and they all immediately loved your fun personality as much as I did. It was truly a day that I’d never forget.
As time progressed between us, I asked you to be mine, and at first you said you didn’t want to move that far yet, so I disappointingly accepted that. But at the end of that day we were driving down the highway and I was taking you home, you got right next to me in the front seat of my pick up and laid your head on my shoulder and told me you couldn’t wait any longer, you wanted to be my one and only. And right there I thought this was going to be forever, I thought I loved you then.
Through our relationship we seemed so happy, always cracking jokes, making fun of each other and spending each day together like it was our last.
Eventually, things started to get different. The “honey moon” faze had slowly started to end, we started fighting constantly about things so ridiculous, things to this day I can’t remember. You would get so mad at me about things out of my control and I had no idea why. Everyday I was scared I was going to lose you, lose the love of my life. I would know you were having a rough day so I’d bring you flowers, always roses.
We had a big fight one night and you told me you didn’t want me to talk to you, you were over me. And the next day I delivered flowers to you, and a card that read “I love you to the moon & back” you didn’t seem to even want them.
Every time we had a fight I put so much blame on myself regardless if it was my fault or if I was in the wrong, I started to see I was losing you. We went from hanging out everyday to once every two weeks if I was lucky. We went from calling each other and texting each other everyday to rarely. My heart was in your hands and it felt as if you were squeezing it until it was ready to explode.
This went one for a huge percentage of our time together. I tried to express how I felt about all of this to you and you never seemed to care, you treat me like the dirt on the bottoms of your shoes, and act like I was the scum of the earth, put on a show for everyone around you, and then fight with me after and make me feel like a piece of shit. When we were together things were good, but as soon as I’d go home, you’d deny my calls, and texts, for days.
I let this continue to happen because I truly loved you. One day you called me, you told me you haven’t eaten in almost a week because your dad chose to spend his money on dope instead of supplying food for you and your sister, and my stomach turned I felt so sick, I started to cry because at that moment I knew I needed to come get you and take you out to eat, it had been well over two weeks since we had seen each other or even talked for that matter. I picked you up, and took you to breakfast, and in that moment you had a look in your eye, the look you used to give me, the look of true love, and perfection. I couldn’t help but smile because I was so happy to see you, to hold you in my arms again, to feel like you were so in love with me.
Things were going great, we were seeing each other more often and fighting less. I was happy, you were happy, everything was perfect. I gave you the whole world, and asked for nothing in return.
Time went on and the fighting came back, and one night we got into it so bad I had asked you if you would be happier without me and you said yes. So we went our separate ways. That night I cried over you, I cried uncontrollably and had no idea what to do with myself, I felt as if I had failed.
Though we fought, I loved you more than myself. It has been 2 years since we broke up, and to this day I see you in town, I see pictures of you and want to just go back to the days where I called you mine, the days I held you in my arms and kissed you and looked into your beautiful eyes. I know you loved me as much as I love(d) you But we were toxic. I always told you God has a plan, and if that means you and I aren’t meant for each other than I can accept it. But what hurts the most is the way we never really stopped loving each other, there have been times where we have seen each other in public and you’ve had to leave because you started crying. I know you love me, and in my heart I still love you, your laugh, smile, heart of gold.
You left me because you let irrelevant people tell you things about me that were not true, and you know that now. Things happen for a reason, right? I’ve held in so much in the time since we’ve been apart I sometimes think about you and still lose it.
Always remember how much I miss you, and love you.
Congratulations on your engagement, I hope he truly makes you happy, I hope he gives you the world, and the life you deserve, I hope you make a beautiful family, and give your kids the life they deserve.