• realistic, calm, just thoughts – you

    by  • March 12, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Waxing Poetic • 4 Comments

    quite simple, actually

    if you really cared about me
    if you really loved me – even if just a litte

    you would (and would have) act differently
    you would show it

    while i am who i am
    and how i am to you

    i wish you would at least realize that i do know
    i know what i mean to you
    i wish you would know that i do cause that would mean
    that i am at least more to you then a fantasy that can’t exsist
    that i am a real human being

    because i do

    i live every day, i have a real life
    and yeah
    even without you

    every time we interact i make a choice
    every time i hold my breath for just a split second asking myself
    do i want to carry on like this or just give up
    give up like you have so long ago

    just because i love you with all my being
    and i meant every word

    ..well just about evrey word

    it doesn’t mean that i will always follow my heart

    i may have to admit that i lied
    when saying i will always be there for you

    ..then again, in a strangely weird way

    i guess i will be
    just not neccessarily the way you may (or even may not – who knows, really, but you) expect me to

    and if all my attempts to shut out my heart
    should fail
    one day i will be dead
    that time will come before yours
    and for that
    for that i will be greatful

    without fear
    without regrets

    ahhh it seems so peaceful but i still have ways to go

    i guess

    but who knows about that

    nothing is for granted

    meanwhile, i am living my life

    while you live yours

    letting those words linger in my mind
    it all seems like such a waste of precious time

    A posse ad esse

    4 Responses to realistic, calm, just thoughts – you

    1. I guess
      March 12, 2018 at 2:16 pm

      That’s life, as sad as it can be.

      • Yeah
        March 23, 2018 at 9:02 am

        I guess it is

    2. The
      March 26, 2018 at 4:55 pm

      real questions are — what do I mean to you? What about you showing it and acting differently towards me? Why does this have to be a one-sided situation? I felt that you gave-up long before I did.

      • Author
        March 27, 2018 at 11:14 pm

        While my words struck a chord inside of you, I was just releasing my thoughts of that particular moment. I was writing it here because it is LINS and I am far from thinking that he may read it. He won’t and that is OK. I did and still do all I can – that is also the reason why I find some sort of peace within me. Love shouldn’t be forced or felt as an obligation, it has to flow naturally or it is not true love (at least not by my definition, not what I would want for me because it wouldn’t last). His non-actions are obvious, his reasons are his and I simply won’t push for something that isn’t given freely. Which is another reason why I use LINS to release my thoughts.
        My suggestion to you, if I may, give all you have if you feel you have to, but without expecting a return. If it is meant to be, it will. If not, at least you won’t have the regret of the “maybe I should have…” and “what if”.
        I sure don’t!
        Best wishes to you.

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