• realistic, calm, just thoughts – you

    by  • March 12, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    quite simple, actually

    if you really cared about me
    if you really loved me – even if just a litte

    you would (and would have) act differently
    you would show it

    while i am who i am
    and how i am to you

    i wish you would at least realize that i do know
    i know what i mean to you
    i wish you would know that i do cause that would mean
    that i am at least more to you then a fantasy that can’t exsist
    that i am a real human being

    because i do

    i live every day, i have a real life
    and yeah
    even without you

    every time we interact i make a choice
    every time i hold my breath for just a split second asking myself
    do i want to carry on like this or just give up
    give up like you have so long ago

    just because i love you with all my being
    and i meant every word

    ..well just about evrey word

    it doesn’t mean that i will always follow my heart

    i may have to admit that i lied
    when saying i will always be there for you

    ..then again, in a strangely weird way

    i guess i will be
    just not neccessarily the way you may (or even may not – who knows, really, but you) expect me to

    and if all my attempts to shut out my heart
    should fail
    one day i will be dead
    that time will come before yours
    and for that
    for that i will be greatful

    without fear
    without regrets

    ahhh it seems so peaceful but i still have ways to go

    i guess

    but who knows about that

    nothing is for granted

    meanwhile, i am living my life

    while you live yours

    letting those words linger in my mind
    it all seems like such a waste of precious time

    A posse ad esse

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