You knew my story; you knew exactly what I’ve been through. We talked and I told you what I was most afraid of… To be alone, to be left all alone.
It has been a month, C. It has been a month since you left. I’m still hurt, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Let me tell you, it has been tough. The first week was pure hell, I was so confused and hurt because I didn’t know what happened– or if I did something to make you leave. The second week was full of denial. I was so determined to forget about you, that I constantly thought about you! I even dreamt about you twice in the same week. I wanted you back so bad, I cried all the time. When the third week came around, I could have sworn I could hear your voice everywhere… Calling my name, and I could vividly hear you say “Hey, Beautiful” in the same exact way you used to say it. Not going to lie, it was painful… That whole week, I was like a zombie. I stopped taking care of myself, and I even missed a couple of days at the gym. I was so overcome with this whole thing, that I forgot to live my life. How pathetic, right? But then last week came around, I was so busy that I barely had time to think about you… and then by Friday, I realized that I need to stop torturing myself. I also realized that in order for me to move forward, I need to create closure for myself. I read somewhere that the worst thing you can do is listen to what I’ve been through, and put me through it again. At some point, I have to stop romanticizing everything you’ve done when you were around, and start being realistic with myself. The fact is you left, and I need to stop wanting you back because why would I want someone who didn’t want to be in my life? I’m giving myself the closure I deserve; the closure that you have kept from me. It has been a month, and I hope you found yourself if that’s what you needed to do, I hope you find the love deserving enough for you to stay, I hope you’re happy. I will continue to live my life one day at a time, and I will start rebuilding and fixing what you have broken. I promise, I’m going to be happy without you.
live well, C. Lately I’ve been having this thought where if our paths crossed again, and we’re both happy with our separate lives, that’ll be the end of it. We’ll exchange a hello and a goodbye. There’s nothing more to say. I wouldn’t hold a grudge, and I will smile as to reassure that what you’ve done is now insignificant– a tiny little bump on the road to where I needed to be, and you will nod as to let me know that life has been good, or maybe just to be polite to some girl you used to know.