Am happy it seems like you have found someone your head over heals with. I’ve accepted we have been done (lover wise) for awhile now. It’s taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to accept that. I really hope you have found the happy you have so desperately looked for. Do I wish it was me that made you happy? There was a time I was. It really tore me apart and I had lost myself when you decided you didn’t want me in your life. I have never been in a dark pit like that before. I will have to say it was the toughest thing I had ever had to go through. As time went by and you never replied, calls never answered, texts ignored I had to learn to let go. I had to learn to live without the love of my life. Yes you were the love of my life. No matter how wrong it was, the heart wants what the heart wants. Nothing I could do would make the turmoil, sadness, depression, ECT. ECT. ECT. Go away. They say time heals all. There was a time I didn’t believe it. I can honestly say though that I am starting to feel like my old self again. I find myself making people laugh and enjoying it. I find myself making goals again. Don’t get me wrong, I still miss you. You were perfect and the chemistry at least for me was absolutely mind blowing. When a person cuts you out of their lives it forces you to learn how to live without them. You have no choice. I had to learn how to do it. If I ask myself if I would still want you as a part of my life the honest answer would be yes. Not as lovers, but as best friends. We were that before the lover stage stepped up. I will have to say you were the best lover I have ever had. I don’t say that In hopes of you coming back into my life. Like I said I truly want you happy and I have accepted I’m just not the person that did that for you. Sure I think you liked me genually and we had fun together, but I was just a curiosity you had to squash (Lol) . I’m honored to be the one you trusted me to fulfill that curiosity. I think what happened was I had fell deeper in love with you than you had me. I’m really ok with that. This letter isn’t a poor pitiful me letter. Trust me I have come to terms with it. I will have to say you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to let go. I did make a promise to you that I would be here for you always and that promise sticks. You don’t have to ever need me again. I to have accepted that. Just to ease your mind so you don’t think I’m annoyingly stuck on you, I have been searching for chemistry with another female. The relationship I’m in now with him is more of roommate with benefits. I sleep on the couch and he has his own room. I’m making plans on getting on my own feet. Him and I will be life long friends. He knows I love the touch and emotional bond with a woman. We really do have an open relationship. This letter is just letting you know that your freed of me and I’m not going to annoy you anymore with my texts and smutty letters. If you ever wanted to be friends I’m game. I hope you are having the time of your life and being loved. I myself am loved and I’m going to keep my chemistry on the lookout. Life’s too short. I want to live life. I’m sure you do to. I know you let go of me long ago and I envy how you did it so quickly. You will always be my girl. I am always here for you and maybe someday our paths will cross again. I just don’t hang on to that hope anymore.
P.s. I do miss those red eyelashes.
This is the last letter. I was just letting you know I’m ok.
Love Always, B