• A rollercoaster of emotions

    by  • March 12, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    To my dear friend, writing this letter isnt exactly easy considering i really dont know what to say to you ahahah, if anything, i think i’d rather not think about you or this letter but you see, i need someone to know and quite frankly there is no one for me to tell. So, here I am. Writing a letter. For you. And i hope with all my heart that you will never find this letter.

    To walk into that room, only to be met with you barrelling towards me, using the word “shock” would be an understatement. It happened so fast and the next thing I knew I was sitted among strangers. I guess you were happy to see me? I dont really know ahahaha. You then introduced me to these strangers whose names I cannot recall, and the very same people not being interested in me either. And that was okay, because you were there with me. Being introduced as your “gf” wasnt exactly fun either, im pretty sure we may have created some misunderstandings. But as the terrible person that i am, i am alright with misunderstandings. I want people to say that we look cute together, i enjoy our couple-like interactions while i am fully aware that you mean nothing by it. Im okay with that. But the feelings such actions give me? Im not okay with that. I dont want to be staying up late trying to decode your actions knowing they mean nothing. I dont want to kept awake by your words which hold no meaning, hoping, thinking that there misconceptions and misunderstandings would no longer be. Im not interested in such one sided love. You dont love me like that and you never will and that is okay. I know this. What im not okay with is myself trying to feel something, i dont want to feel something towards you. I love you, and you know that in the platonic sense and i really dont want this love to extend any further, and i wish you will never find out that there such thoughts are present in my mind. You dont like me like that. You like someone else. You like her. She isnt someone i can compete with, she is someone i dont want to compete with. To do so would only result in my defeat. So why bother trying right? So my dearest friend, you are so precious to me, to lose you would be like losing a part of myself, I love you but god forbid this love extend further than friendship for i fear that my heart would not be able to handle such heartbreak.

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