I don’t know why I am still putting up with this shit. Its always the same BS. ‘Go here and I will meet you’ I am so sick and tired of it all. If you had wanted to connect you would have done it ages ago, you have known EXACTLY where I have been all along. As far as I am concerned you have never had the intention of “meeting up”. This whole thing is one big game and you and your buddies get off on tormenting others. It is quite sick, a call for professional mental health help really.
I don’t know what your deal is, I don’t know why all the secrecy, I don’t get why we are playing hide n seek, I don’t get why everyone else gets to know whats going on except me. I would be foolish not to believe I am the one being taken advantage of here. The joke is no longer on me. I have had enough and it stops here. As I said before why the hell am I still here tolerating this abuse? well besides the fact I am being an idiot…
Years ago I tried to approach you, I laid all my cards on the table, with my heart on my sleeve and terrified I would be rejected. Life is to short not to take chances that you may never get again. SO I reached out, let go, closed my eyes and went for it. What I have received in return is a crazed lunatic mess. Initially I was desperate to share what was on my heart and mind. But after my attempt to reach out to you and you rejected me, I was deeply wounded. I felt you misunderstood me and being the stubborn woman I am I continued trying to get thru to you, to no avail.
So long story short here we are NOW. No farther ahead than when I first tried. You have told so many lies and intentionally mislead me that honestly I do not know what the truth. I do however know for certain that you or any of your so called pals are NOT trustworthy. None of you and when I say that I mean EVERYONE. At this point it doesn’t really matter what your story is, I am sure it is a lie. I don’t care about those that are here to help you and assist you in your mission they too are a bunch of liars. They help no one but themselves. On numerous occasions they have all sat and watched me be totally devastated over this and did they reach out and help me or explain any of this fucking retarded mess? NO. There is a special place in hell for people that have no empathy or compassion, I hope they enjoy their stay. I will not look for someone who does not want to be found. I no longer have anything to say anymore, it seems pointless after all the shitty things you have dragged me thru.
Why you would destroy my “divinely beautiful” which was full of light, love, joy and happiness and turn it in to your “fucking nightmare” which is negative, depressing, boring and a major downer, is beyond me. I will never understand this, no matter what your “story” is, it WILL NEVER make up for the evil things you have intentionally done. You have been beyond cruel.
I love you but I can no longer subject my self to this abuse, loving you from a distance seems to be my only option while you are determined to be this toxic person. I don’t know what happened to the beautiful man that you were but I do hope you find him again, I think you will like him, I know I do. If at some point in your life you realize what an absolute dick you have been to me and you are seeking forgiveness you know where to find me, I am not afraid of being found.
the cat misses you.