• To dad.

    by  • February 24, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Family Stuff • 0 Comments

    Hey dad,I have not heard your voice for a while now. How are you doing? I really want to talk to you sometimes, but then I remember that I have no courage to tell you how mad I am. It’s not about what happened 3 years ago, when you cheated on mom. It’s not about the years you were coming home drunk, being rude and agrressive. It’s not about your totally inactive behavior when grandfather died from cancer. It’s not about your lack of support. Im over it, I forgive and I miss you now. It’s ok. everything that happened. I know you… you are lost and unsure about everything you are doing, I know your love for me and my sister are real and honest, I know you never wanted us any harm. But you just couldn’t fight your demons, I guess.. We are alike. And to be honest im scared that my life will be as messy and painful as yours. suffering from your own mistakes, that’s why im doing my best not to repeat your attitude of being dishonest to yourself, to your feelings. Your selfless nature grow to be a disaster for all who surrounds you.
    But it can’t affect me. I still miss you. I want you by my side, at least at time to time. I want your opinions and thoughts. I always loved talking to you, you seemed interesting, educated and really smart. Well, you pretty much are these things. But why is it so hard to bring this back only for two of us? why divorce affected our relationship so much? Why it’s always awkward silence when we are alone somewhere.. I don’t understand. Sometimes it feels like you are scared, ashamed or feel guilty for the life you lived with me, mom and my sister. Or it could be my imagination, that you finally got your mistakes. Maybe u did… but you are too proud to admit it. who knows.. i bet even you don’t. if it’s these things that effected our connection, I promise, I’m not mad. I forgive you everything, sometimes I think that i was never actually mad at you, because of these things. I was mad at you because you never seemed happy with us and I really want you to be. Please, talk to me, stop avoiding me and let me rebuild our relationship. You are first person for me, even with the mistakes you’ve done. you are my hero.I really miss you, please come back to me. I love you, dad.

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