I know I’ve been distant lately. All I can think to say is that life has been coming at me really fast. My life has changed drastically in the last 3 weeks, and will continue to change even more over the next 6 months or so. None of this is to say I havent had time for you, or havent wanted to talk to you; in fact, Ive been thinking about you alot. I think Ive just been a little overwhelmed with the myriad of responsibilities and life-altering decisions I have been confronted with. Thank you for bearing with me.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting alot on marriage and committed relationships in general. I’ve gained alot of insight about my parents’ marriage. It was easier when I was younger to understand the ways my mom may have failed my dad as a wife, but now I see the complete picture and see the ways he failed her as a husband too. It makes me really sad knowing that her unhappiness and loneliness went back so much further than I realized. What I took away from my reflection is that I want to strive in my own marriage, if that ever even happens, to love my wife the way my mother deserved to be loved – with patience, honesty, and forgiveness. I hope that doesnt sound weird.
When I think about my relationship with you, there is alot that I am still angry about. And yet, in light of recent events, all of it seems so trivial. Still, to truly forgive you is really hard, particularly when I cant be with you in person. I just don’t understand, I was so ready to commit to you, and it felt like that turned you away from me. Could I have said or done anything different so that we would be together now? That question has haunted me for many years.
But like I said before, my life has changed quite a bit, and, so, maybe the past doesnt matter so much anymore. Maybe we can work together to make a better future for both of us. I need you. I need your support and your affection, I need your mind, and I really, really, really, really need your body. You know how I feel about you; there’s nothing I could say here that would further Blow your Mind. I also understand, probably better now, that if you wanted me and were ready to be with me, it probably would have happened already. At the least, I can be patient, and try to better give you what you need.
So, what do you need, baby? Can I call you baby? Would it feel more right to you if I was holding you in this bed with me right now? If I brushed your hair back, gently kissed your neck and whispered in your ear “Baby, you are mine, and I am yours.”