• Fuck Off

    by  • February 19, 2018 • Eff Off - You - or Up • 0 Comments

    I can’t help that I’m pissed off. You had to go and fuck it up. Why did I think you were still trustworthy??? Frankly. I know you didn’t owe me loyalty or anything, but do you not have any sense of decency and respect?? And I bet my sorry ass you don’t give a single shit about me finding out what you did when I wasn’t able to fucking serve you, because you think I’ll just come running back. But fuck that. Fuck you. I gave you all of me for years on end, getting NOTHING in return, and, honestly, I’m over it. And i’m truly very over letting you hurt me. I should have gotten rid of you years ago, and I have tried, but I’m weak, and you didn’t even try to help….
    In truth, this shouldn’t hurt. But it does. It feels like my trust was broken once again. You say we’re different but you don’t view me differently, do you? You see me like just another chick. And you see me like most other people do: something to be used until it’s too old and ragged and you have to throw it out. Well, fuck off. I am…fucking amazing. Not everyone seems to notice. And, you know, i’d be okay with loving you so long as you deserved it, but you don’t, not at all. You just…don’t deserve me. Fuck you, and fuck the “morals” you say you have. I don’t know who the fuck you are anymore and, frankly, I don’t think I want to find out. Fuck if I don’t block you on every single social media. I know you’d never come talk to me face to face anyway, no matter how fucking close I am. I don’t give a shit about what you have to say anymore. What you did…probably seems like nothing to you doesn’t it? But it made me feel so very bad. Regardless of whatever it is you were thinking when you did that – you probably weren’t thinking – I want you to know it made me lose every tiny bit of dying hope and trust I still had deposited in you. Congratulations. You actually made me give up on someone I love. That’s insane. Are you proud?? I’m not yours anymore. I knew you would never be mine and I still gave myself to you, and you still made my heart break more than once.
    This whole thing sounds…so dramatic. But I’m incredibly sick of people telling me to stop being so fragile. Fuck that. I am sensitive as shit, but hey, i’m fucking dealing, i’m fucking alive. Fuck everyone who thinks i’m weak. This does sound dramatic, i AM dramatic, but right now i kinda feel like shit, and it feels damn good to write this, since you’re not online. So fuck everyone who calls me sensitive in a deprecating way. Because what you did was shitty as fuck, and I hope you burn in hell. I hope I never have to look at you again. I hope this anger doesn’t melt away. I hope I don’t melt in your hands. Because i’m so angry and hurt. And it’s not the first time and I KNOW it wouldn’t be the last. You talked shit about her to me and then the next day she goes and excitedly tells me what you two did, and i have to pretend to be happy for her, to pretend like i’m not a horrible person and the shittiest friend, to pretend like i don’t hate myself and you. Fuck. Off.

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