You are my mother and for that I will always carry you in my heart. Life with you has never been easy, it is from one extreme to the next. Your mental illness not only affects you but those around you, your partner, daughter, son, grandchildren, brothers and sisters. I have watched you spiral out of control, I have watched you take control only to lose control again. I just wish you could understand how much it does hurt to see you cry, to hear you say you wish you were dead, to hear you say no one has ever loved you and never will. I wish you knew your self worth, how you are worth loving and how many people do love you. It’s time to break free of your past, say goodbye to it and start living in the now, look forward to your future. I wish you could do that but I know you can’t and for that I am sorry. I am sorry you never had a mother or father who wanted you, I am sorry you were neglected, I am sorry you were abused by those who should have protected you, I am sorry things didn’t work out with my father, most of all I am sorry for ever making you feel like a disappointment to me. To me you are wonderful, complex, sad, happy and so worth loving! I wish you knew your self worth. I wish you could break free, could feel free and have the life you gave me.