• miss my friend

    by  • February 17, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    If I could I would tell you how I miss our friendship. I know we are friends now, but I mean what we had. What we have now is almost fake feeling. It’s like we just show each other our surface selves. Ii want to break open my shell again for you and be able to really talk to you. I want you to do the same for me. I want this piece of glass between us to shatter and to be exposed to each other’s touch, each other’s illness, each other’s embrace, and each other’s voice.

    Does that make any sense at all?

    I miss you, my Dearest friend.

    But I wasn’t allowed to keep you, for whatever reason. Tell me, did I do something wrong? Did I mess up everything for good somehow? What mistake did I make? Is it what I think it was? Did I go too far? Or did I just get too close, and it scared you or made you uncomfortable?

    Can we try the friend thing again please? I will try to control myself better this time. I don’t want to hurt you, but I want you to know my truth.

    I understand that you fear attachment. I know. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe, but know that I am already attached.

    We can take it as slow as you need. I promise I won’t rush you. I can reach out first or you can. All I need from you is some sort of sign to let me know what you want, what you need. Talk to me, please, about something deeper than work or the weather.

    I will always love you, sweet man.

    2 Responses to miss my friend

    1. Me
      February 17, 2018 at 9:01 pm

      Maybe this is my person, K is this you?
      I am not afraid to talk to you, I am nervous, but not afraid.
      I get the sense that you don’t want to talk about it, so I don’t.
      I want to talk about more than work and weather but when I do, you don’t reply.
      You did not go to far, you did not make me feel uncomfortable or scared.
      The best way I can explain is: I thought I was crazy, I thought it was only in my head.
      The obvious politics aside, my doubts were huge and I was too scared to try and fail.
      It really messed me up inside, so I pushed everything deep down and made some changes.
      At the time, thinking I was crazy, I did not think it would have any affect on you.
      I realized too late that I was not crazy. I realized long ago, but I was stuck and you were gone.
      I don’t want to discuss any heavy shit in text, that should be in person. But I do want to talk about more than work or weather. I want to know how your day went, how you are feeling, what you are doing, how is your family, etc. The next time I see you, we can talk, but can you please start the conversation?

      I will always love you too.


      • author here.
        February 20, 2018 at 12:14 am

        ugh. I am so sick of the initial K tonight, and truth be told I haven’t wanted to be rude but I am a D. I am.female. I am sick of hiding, and no longer fear judgement. F everyone who judges me… I am a female D. I write to a male J. It’s tragic,really. He never loved me. He baited me, and I never knew love before him. So I can’t see
        myself with any other. I can’t find happiness.This is just so much crap.

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