• Thoughts

    by  • February 15, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 5 Comments

    I still want to be with you.
    Still like you.
    My tooth still hurts
    I think you responded to my letter
    But you weren’t transparent in letting me know if it is you
    I just went with my intuition
    I miss you though.
    I don’t want you to go away
    I also realize your not in that place
    To date anyone
    Which is fine we can leave things as is
    I still want to talk to you
    Joke around, hang out like we used to
    I don’t mind taking the first step
    But if it will make things worse for you
    I understand that too.
    I just miss you
    I’m scared of attachment but I know I’ll regret never taking a chance.
    And you are exactly those words I described in my last letter!
    Anyway I’m gonna pop some aleve and knock out.
    Night love

    5 Responses to Thoughts

    1. K
      February 15, 2018 at 5:31 pm

      Miss you silly

    2. @Writer
      February 16, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      I think you clicked the heart on my response to your last letter? and only mine? as if you heard something familiar?

      That’s a lovely thought, but I still feel as though you think I am someone else. You want more transparency? I understand that. I understand your position in all of this. I want the same things you want. I miss you, and you’re right there. It’s so hard to explain, like there’s a forcefield surrounding us and no matter what I do to try and gently break through, still it repells. It’s understandable to fear attachment, especially with your history.

      You don’t make things worse for me. I do that to myself quite well. LOL. I just fear that you hate me all of the time or that I could never be what you want from me. I don’t even trust my own intuition anymore. How can I ever trust any other person?

      Besides you create so many feelings in me, not all of them are good. That scares me. We both have a tendency to act like children sometimes. I sometimes think that this could only ever end with poison and explosions.

      All of that said, I am used to being jerked around by the voices on this site and ending up disappointed. At the same time, I would prefer not to have hopes that I am “your person”, only to find out that you are who I write to, but you write to another that I don’t even compare to.

      So if you want more transparency, here are some key words/phrases that have meant a lot to me in our interactions from the beginning, through present day:
      -how was your day-saxophone-chalkboard-zombie-but that hair tho!-english?-anbesol

      Just a combination that only you would understand the significance of, if you are you.

    3. Could it be?
      February 17, 2018 at 10:04 am

      I keep coming back to this letter. I responded once already, but… this just feels like you. Is it really? Could it be? Nah. Why would you even visit this site? There are so many people in the world and several of them with toothaches right now. This couldn’t possibly be you!

      Ohhh but what if it is?

    4. Ugh.
      February 17, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      Okay. Now my comments have posted. And I play the waiting game. Please, don’t tell me you are you, and it’s her that you write to. I think it would be the push I need to check myself into an asylum.

      I have faith.

      I love you.

    5. welp!
      February 20, 2018 at 6:27 pm

      Nothing! You must not be who I thought you were after all! Oh well! It isn’t as if life is fair anyway!

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