If only you knew how badly I want to reach for you in certain moments. I want to wrap my arms around you and pull you close. Oh to hug you! I feel the need to just jump at you and lock our lips in the most passionate kiss!
But I don’t. I can’t.
First, would the reality match up to my expectations? Would we be as incredible as the fantasy I have built up in my mind, my dreams?
Second, would you be turned off? Would you be appalled at me for not being able to control my urges any longer? What if I didn’t match up to your expectations?
Lastly, what if I am right? What if I am not crazy and we do have this connection where we know each other without words? It sounds wonderful, but it terrifies me. To think that I second guess my instincts, and that causes me to mess everything up! To beleive that this is real feels like I would just be setting myself up for disappointment. Even though, I do feel that you know my needs, without words. I hope that I make you feel the same way.
I guess that is all I have to say tonight.
But before I go, let me just admit that I think you are here. How, I can never guess. Why, I may never know. But I do feel like I have heard your voice in some of these letters on here and elsewhere. Perhaps I am baited by a troll, or maybe I am certifiable. In any case, please do something or say something so that I may be certain of my sanity.
I can’t stop loving you. I have tried.