• My Muse Forever

    by  • February 7, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 6 Comments

    by JJH

    Dear Cin,

    I have found it impossible to sweep the memory of you from my day to day existence much less my life. I truly hated severing that single thread that kept us in contact but felt so damn foolish for chasing a feeling that was not there. I know I am in no position to say a word, given my reality, but I did if even for a brief moment, feel like a fresh heart beat within me. Whether or not you helped that feeling blossom is now unimportant and for whatever reason we have differing views on hindsight here. This too does not matter anymore as I know what the reply would be and if it were so you are dealing with a complete moron who has no conception of you or of life so you are miles ahead not having this haunting you. My recollections will be what they are as well and no mitigation is possible, I lived what I lived.

    The only reason I decided to post here again was to tell you that no matter what you had done or acted like towards me it could not change what was forged into my heart and soul so many years ago. You were put here to elevate the passion within me pure and simple. Of a million possible paths, ours crossed and you became ingrained in my mind and in my heart. You were and are a fairy tale meant to bring a smile to the inner passions of a man.

    So I write this with complete knowledge that you will never read it and I will be ok with that, I have no options here. There was a time when I really would have loved to know that I was not 100% wrong, that time has come and gone sadly. I have probably sunk away from thought, ADD can have that effect and although that is sad as well, it is also not a shock to the system. You will forever be You and for each thing to love about you there is a hard pill somewhere to swallow.

    So my muse I will end this story with the fact that you still live within me, I still have an un-quenched passion within me, I know it will remain that way and should remain that way, You will always be loved by me even if I am not in love with you anymore. I thank you for having more sense than me, it would have probably been a disaster for us both. I Love You kid

    6 Responses to My Muse Forever

    1. Not judging but...
      February 7, 2018 at 7:15 pm

      Jason, honestly I can’t take this anymore. I see your posts and how much in love you are with her and I always gravitate to your wife. How would she feel if she knew? we are all human, I get that. But there is such deceit here. If you can’t bear to be without this woman that you love, perhaps you should let your wife go free to find somebody who truly loves her and only her. It is selfish to hang on to someone who doesn’t have a clue that you love someone more than her. I’m just saying.

      • agree
        February 8, 2018 at 11:14 pm

        Agree feel sorry for his wife. The one that got away definitely sounds like she is the lucky one in this saga. The grass is always greener on the other side for some people.

        • Ghost
          February 10, 2018 at 7:49 am

          And I’m sure your the brass ring “agree” We are all pathetic here. That’s why we type to people we don’t know and read others pain, it gives companionship to the lonely. Your as flawed as I, both of you. I did not seek and do not need either of yours blessing. You do not know me or my situation at all and yet you two see yourselves worthy to sit and pass judgement on me. Well I am done here anyway, it feels empty and cold here and I have a life left to live. You should try it.

    2. JJH
      February 9, 2018 at 4:54 am

      well that is a lot of judging for someone who is Not judging. without giving you pages of how I got to where I am your assessment stands alone as being very true. This is been a slow exorcism for me and not an easy one either. As with any story it’s what you don’t read or know that would shed the most light but I truly don’t have the energy or the passion I once did. This story is 50 years in its making so cut me some slack in its burial. I am not proud of the subtrifuge but there is so very much more to the tale then you know. No excuses, I am wrong, the whole situation is wrong but as you said “human”. Other than my meanderings here we have no communication or contact. Even this is a one way street because she has long since visited. Just the sad, pathetic ramblings of a sad, flawed man. I will add that I defy you to say you have never wondered what your first love is doing or even have their image flash through your mind at times. I would further assert their image or memory was used as a stimulus for self gratification at some point when you were with someone else. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”

      • Hmmm
        February 24, 2018 at 12:24 pm

        Wondering about first loves is waaayyy different than continuous communication with them on an anonymous site, no?

    3. Jason is corrected
      February 27, 2018 at 3:42 am

      Yes it is. Hmmmmm thank God you are my moral guide in life. I hadn’t even thought of this. I was so clear minded about this 45 year long story until you interceded and refocused my heart. Without one singular point of fact to base your theory on you were able to capulize my entire inner being with one fell swoop. Thank you.

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