To the love I lost,
This is a letter for the love I lost. I say lost like i misplaced her like a set of car keys or a lighter, I didn’t i cruley played with her like a selfish child that didn’t really want the toy but also didn’t want anyone else to have it.
In our lives we find special people who make us happy by just being there with them in silence, or simply holding their hands or seeing them smile from across the room, the love I lost was that for me and I didnt realise until it was already too late, she was perfect, she never doubted me or saw my bad side she trusted me completely and i broke that trust without a thought.
I acted like a boy and must face the consequences like a man. The love that I lost was the dearest and most beautiful girl that I had ever seen, she was polite and kind and beautiful and she was good to me even though i was not worth it or infact good enough for her. She cared for me when I could not care for myself and helped me to be the man that I am. It is a tragedy of my life that I am without her now and i must confess that it is solely my fault. She was nothing but good and pure and loving and caring and I threw it away. Why? Because at the time I was merely playing at being a man I was not making decisions as a man and as such the decision I made one evening was that of a greedy boy who wants his cake and to eat it. This was not to be the case, the guilt that i felt because of that evening was a paralysis on my heart and soul.
I told the love I lost what I had done. In front of my eyes I watched her heart split and break and i watched her crack and cry. I am ashamed of what I have done and will always be ashamed of what i have done. It was an unforgivable act and something that the love I lost did not deserve for she was good and pure and made me happier than i have ever been and fear I ever will be again.
I write this letter not because I seek forgiveness or pity for I deserve neither. I am writing this letter because I need the the love I lost to know, It was not your fault, it was not your doing. You could have done no more than you had, you are perfect, you are beautiful,you are kind, you are strong, you are intelligent, you are fierce, you deserve to be loved like no other. And I must say that your love was the purest I had ever received and i must thank you for that however brief it was that you chose me above all.
I had not realised how much I loved you and how much i needed you until i had already brought it all crashing down around me and for that i will be eternally sorry. I am done with playing at being a man, I write this letter to confront myself as much as to pour my heart to the love I lost.
You made me whole when I was broken and I will forever be indebted to you, I know you will not seek me out again and I understand that completely I would not seek out the person that betrayed so easily, I am no longer that boy and am different because of what I did and how you loved me. I will never be that selfish, spiteful little boy again.
I hope you find happiness with someone who is deserving of your love and laughter and light.
And i hope that they love you as you surely as you loved me, for it was the most pure love I have ever seen.
Stay safe my heart of hearts. Forever yours, the man that loves the girl he lost.