• The love I lost

    by  • January 31, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Cheating • 12 Comments

    To the love I lost,

    This is a letter for the love I lost. I say lost like i misplaced her like a set of car keys or a lighter, I didn’t i cruley played with her like a selfish child that didn’t really want the toy but also didn’t want anyone else to have it.

    In our lives we find special people who make us happy by just being there with them in silence, or simply holding their hands or seeing them smile from across the room, the love I lost was that for me and I didnt realise until it was already too late, she was perfect, she never doubted me or saw my bad side she trusted me completely and i broke that trust without a thought.

    I acted like a boy and must face the consequences like a man. The love that I lost was the dearest and most beautiful girl that I had ever seen, she was polite and kind and beautiful and she was good to me even though i was not worth it or infact good enough for her. She cared for me when I could not care for myself and helped me to be the man that I am. It is a tragedy of my life that I am without her now and i must confess that it is solely my fault. She was nothing but good and pure and loving and caring and I threw it away. Why? Because at the time I was merely playing at being a man I was not making decisions as a man and as such the decision I made one evening was that of a greedy boy who wants his cake and to eat it. This was not to be the case, the guilt that i felt because of that evening was a paralysis on my heart and soul.

    I told the love I lost what I had done. In front of my eyes I watched her heart split and break and i watched her crack and cry. I am ashamed of what I have done and will always be ashamed of what i have done. It was an unforgivable act and something that the love I lost did not deserve for she was good and pure and made me happier than i have ever been and fear I ever will be again.

    I write this letter not because I seek forgiveness or pity for I deserve neither. I am writing this letter because I need the the love I lost to know, It was not your fault, it was not your doing. You could have done no more than you had, you are perfect, you are beautiful,you are kind, you are strong, you are intelligent, you are fierce, you deserve to be loved like no other. And I must say that your love was the purest I had ever received and i must thank you for that however brief it was that you chose me above all.

    I had not realised how much I loved you and how much i needed you until i had already brought it all crashing down around me and for that i will be eternally sorry. I am done with playing at being a man, I write this letter to confront myself as much as to pour my heart to the love I lost.

    You made me whole when I was broken and I will forever be indebted to you, I know you will not seek me out again and I understand that completely I would not seek out the person that betrayed so easily, I am no longer that boy and am different because of what I did and how you loved me. I will never be that selfish, spiteful little boy again.

    I hope you find happiness with someone who is deserving of your love and laughter and light.
    And i hope that they love you as you surely as you loved me, for it was the most pure love I have ever seen.

    Stay safe my heart of hearts. Forever yours, the man that loves the girl he lost.

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    12 Responses to The love I lost

    1. M
      January 31, 2018 at 3:18 pm

      What a beautiful letter.
      I hope the love you lost sees it.




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    2. Britney
      January 31, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Awww my heart aches for you author. You sound sincere. Sometimes second chances are given to people that honestly understand the error of their ways and make changes accordingly. I really hope that happens for you.




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    3. Truce?
      January 31, 2018 at 7:10 pm

      How about it?

      That second and third last paragraph? Don’t ever say those words to anyone again. Simply…don’t say them again. Or write them. Or anything of the like.

      Truce?

      I’m so ridiculous. Lol




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    4. TT
      February 1, 2018 at 4:52 am

      .




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    5. Princess
      February 2, 2018 at 5:42 am

      Sweetie… How I wish this was you talking to me.




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      • T.
        February 5, 2018 at 9:19 pm

        How I wish it was you tell me that




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    6. Once and again
      February 2, 2018 at 2:03 pm

      This letter speaks to me, once upon a time i was this girl. Now, I know this wasn’t written to or for me, but because it touched me and stirred up emotions I worked hard on to forget , hide even. It woke up feelings I believed were long gone.

      — Id already commented on this but nay idea where it went? So here I go again.

      The word “pure” highilghted in this letter spells ‘new’ or ‘fresh’ , I wrote previously its like a beautiful rose picked up before its time. Only to wither away without being watered or allowed its time to properly and fully blossom.

      How someone can take advantage of a girl who hadn’t fully developed or grown into a woman, and tear her layer by layer, until she loses the little confidence she had left.

      Betrayal, to betray a soul , a human being who had just started to understand her emotions or feelings, her body mind and soul… That’s a crime.

      For me , it was a crime. My love, or our love was like a crime scene with chalk traced around it .. The place we shall never return, to neither change it nor erase it. It sticks to my heart and my soul like a bad smell that I could never shake off. Betrayal is a silent killer, you lose trust in everything and everyone around you , you run , run til you run out of paths to hide to get away.
      You force yourself to be someone you’re not because who you were, is with him and you deny, deny and never stop denying. But you never quiet grasp it, understand it. That one question you will take to the grave will stay in the grave.

      You cry yourself to sleep , you become deluded.
      You give up caring about everything and everyone, you trust no one. You learn to hate the world, because that’s safe. You distance yourself so far away from everything you ever knew because nothing is ever the same again. The world you thought you knew, and the one person, one person you gave your all to proved that world doesn’t exist nor it has ever .

      You hurt til you can’t hurt anymore, you take shelter and you turn to toxic , do whatever it takes to forget… But you never forget.

      Years and years later, you start remembering and the hard shell, the wall you built around yourself starts crumbling , your tears melt your heart. You cry an ocean til the bags under your eyes are permanent. Your heart breaks again and again and again…then you think ‘Hello reality’ ! Nice to have you back, bitch!!

      Your whole life had changed in 5 minutes yet your a decade or two down the line. Your mind plays on you. You re-live every , single, memory.
      You die again. You die so many times and by now you don’t know if you’re alive or dead. Every song, every word every day and night remind you of him. Everyone talks like him, looks like him walks like him…smells like him…LIES LIKE him, smiles like him…him…him…him.

      Eventually, you look in the mirror – your hair is gray. Yesterday you were 17 and today you look like you finally settled down – and have granchildren. You turn to something, whatever it is that will take the pain away for you, babysit it for you.

      One day you wake up, you hear the birds chirping. The sun is shining. There’s music somewhere nearby, you take a shower. For the first time ever you actually know what day it is. You smile – for the first time in how long…. You forgot, your face hurts, your face hurts because you forgot how to do that. Hot prickly tears fall down your face and again , for the first time you don’t know why?!

      Every day becomes warmer, even when its raining. But slowly you realise you are back in the world again.. You are back in the world which now looks brighter, but your dilema is how to train yourself to get back there again. To live , to talk , to brush your feckin’ hair.

      People notice you, you notice people. You tell yourself the coma wasnt so bad.

      So, without continuing or rather ruining this post any further il stop now. But if anyone can say they love someone, take them wholely, break them and betray them…. That isnt love , fuck ! That isn’t hate either…thats a Crime.

      The good part of this story is that 🙂 whatever doesnt actually, physically kill you? Darn well makes you stronger. Of course the best part, well two is …you forgive and set yourself free knowing that at least you’re not him and you dont have to live your life knowing you destroyed someone ‘pure’ who just learnt what love was.




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    7. Not the One
      February 4, 2018 at 1:49 am

      You may be sincere author, but I don’t hope for your reconnection with your lost love.

      I know I’m saying this because I’m heavily projecting. I was cheated on and like to pretend that that girl you’re talking about is *me*, and that my ex really views me this way. But it has been so many years. I have moved on but in the deepest parts of my mind I want to know what he felt even 1/4 of the regret expressed in this letter, but I know it isn’t true.

      It’s best to let her live her life without you. She can’t handle the rehashing of feelings so awful she could hardly bare them. Even if you were just intending to apologize and repent.




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    8. T.
      February 5, 2018 at 10:05 am

      The one I still need and want to be in my life and I would do anything to help you out of the shit that is going on with you and me I miss you so much and I’m sure that you are really sorry for but I can’t wait to see you today call me when you get a chance to I’m the best thing that will ever be there for you you need to know that I’m not going to do it again because I’m better than the other one that’s in the way of us so we need to talk soon as possible I’m out on the streets cause I don’t like what’s up at the house with some people there I’ve done something I would never do in my life but I was hurt so much and I don’t like myself right now at all . I need you now where are you come to me I’m at the Social Security office




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    9. Angel
      February 5, 2018 at 12:24 pm

      Beautifully written, wish it was from the man of my heart. Lytt.




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    10. T.
      February 5, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      I wish that you are really sorry for the late reply. I miss you so much and I’m sure that you are really sorry for what you have done to me I look really bad and I didn’t deserve what happen, wish you were here with me so I can see you out of the Wrong people who are not in the past year and it was just the right amount of time to get to me sad about not being able to see you in my life,




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    11. L.H.
      March 4, 2018 at 11:46 am

      Despite everything, I still love him. I fell in love with who he was; all his strengths and weakness. But one of the main problems was that I couldn’t tell if he genuinely felt the same for me.

      Not once did he whole heartily take a risk and contact me/purse me/fight for us all on his own.

      Oh, how I yearned…that if he truly loved me and wanted to be with me…that he would put his fears aside…and just take a leap of faith…regardless of the outcome.

      Question: If I found out that I was the love of his life that got away, would I ever give it a third try? My answer: I really don’t know the answer to that one as I highly doubt he ever cared for me in that way. But I guess anything is possible. He would need to be the one who reached out to me, all on his own. He would need to be willing to take the initiative to rectify the wrong and make things right again. He would need to show me (in words and in actions) that his love for me is sincere and that he is devoted to giving what it takes.




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