• To Ms. A, a letter you’ll never read..

    by  • January 17, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 2 Comments

    Ms. A… You’ll likely never read this. I’m not even sure if I’d want you to. This is a letter to for love that yearns to be, but my circumstances stop from ever becoming. You’ve been on my mind since I first met you, day and night, and I never feel like this for anyone. I just need to let this feeling off of my chest, whether or not you’ll ever read this.

    I tend to get attention from women pretty regularly, but you phased me for some reason. You came into my shop to get your phone repaired after another shop messed it all up and I was immediately stunned by you. It wasn’t your looks (you’re beautiful btw), but something deeper attracted me. There was an aura about you that had me stumbling on words and acting like a bumbling idiot. All three times you came into my shop to get your phone looked at, I became speechless and awkward. I am never either of those things. It was amazing to have been captivated so strongly and so uncontrollably by you.

    The most amazing (and heartbreaking) part of this all is that before you leave you ask me for my number! I couldn’t believe it. We’ve exchanged info and this is where I am when I write this. So very desirous of getting to know you; my mind racing towards a million possibilities that all shatter at the reality of my situation.

    I’m trapped in a toxic marriage Ms. A. I’m in it for my 2 amazing little girls. I love them with all of my heart. But my wife is abusive and mentally ill. Due to her own past she has trouble controlling her very excessive anger and her tongue in front of me and my two girls. She’s said some horrible things to me that have become impossible to erase. But she has no one in her life. No family to go back to, not even a best friend. Empathy is a curse sometimes. Because the guilt of leaving someone alone, even if they’re horrible to me, stops me from doing the ‘right’ thing for myself and my kids and leaving this woman. So I’m trapped in a profoundly complicated relationship.

    On the outside, i have my life put together and things going for me. I’m 30 years old with my own business, I get along with everyone, enjoy great friends, I’m confident in my ability to do whatever I put my mind to. But on the inside I’m lonely. There’s no lonelier a place to be than in a marriage with someone who doesn’t care about you.. I don’t even know what companionship is anymore.

    So though I don’t text you or call you, it isn’t because you aren’t on my mind. It’s because you deserve better than to get tangled up in my mess. I never believed in love at first sight. Every logical part of my mind tells me that it isn’t love; “how could it be? It’s the glimpse of companionship that has struck me, not her. I might speak to you more and realize I don’t like you as much as I thought.”

    But that isn’t what the fireworks on the other side of my brain are saying. It was you. Particularly you that set off these fireworks that I cannot show you. But in another life, in another dimension, I’m free to be the charming man you met. I’m texting you first and calling you to tell you that I’d love to get together and get to know you better. I’m being open about my feelings. And today might be the day of our first date.

    Ms. Antoinette, I could never tell you any of this in person. I could never expect you to understand. I couldn’t burden you with any of this. And that’s why this letter is here and not in your inbox. Who ever gets to spend time with you will be a very lucky man.

    I don’t know what else to say but ‘ouch, my heart hurts’ … To anyone who reads this: treat your significant other with love, sympathy and respect. Know yourself so that you can know what you want in someone else. I cannot describe how tragic and tiring the feeling is to be in a marriage of one-way empathy. Life is too short to not be the most amazing person you’re capable of being for at least 1 person in your life, even if they’re incapable of being that same way back. So trick is to find someone who finds you as important as you find them.

    Peace and love will always win. Right now I just don’t know when. Goodbye

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    2 Responses to To Ms. A, a letter you’ll never read..

    1. undesired
      January 19, 2018 at 12:22 am

      I don’t know who you are writing too, but I do know the pain of longing for another. I hear my husband writing to another in this letter. I hope when he, G, finds the woman who makes him feel this way, he loves me enough to let me go. He owns his own business. He clearly hasn’t been present emotionally in our marriage for years. He hasn’t given me the love I have needed for so long. We could be so much happier apart, but I am a coward who can’t be honest.


      • C
        January 21, 2018 at 2:43 pm

        Stop doing this G. Im not looking here again. Please stop.
        Cats out of the bag already. I love you. I miss you. No more hurting. I dont want to hurt anymore.



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