Do you remember that time we were on the car, on our way back from music camp or something? We were talking, as we always do, or well did at the time at least. You talked about moments and how easy it is to forget them. I agreed and said something about how we were probably going to forget that moment, but it has stuck with me ever since. It’s a reminder, a memory of what was. I don’t understand what happened since.
I don’t know what happened, I have no idea why you haven’t replied, why you don’t reply and all I can do is just think of you and the other people who were in my life but now I haven’t talked to in weeks, months really.
The last time I saw you was on the train heading home. It was the day after formal, I even shared a bed with you that night. We talked, the three of us, until 2 am. I don’t know what happened after that. It seems like I did something wrong, something that hurt you or what, I have no idea. The only thing I think is a possibility is the whole M thing, but even then, it doesn’t explain to me, why you’ve been so distant, why you’ve been ignoring me, probably pretending that I don’t exist.
It hurts. It really fucking does. You were the person I could trust to tell almost everything and I thought that trust and relationship was something special, something I could rely on, something that would stay with me for much longer. I don’t understand why you cut me off, why you leave my messages unread, why you don’t reply. You were my best friend, the person I got closest to, the person I told pretty much everything to, the first person I completely opened up to.
I don’t understand now, and perhaps I never will know why you stopped talking to me. I don’t know what I did to ruin it, or why you just decided to shut me out. It really stings.
I’ve spent countless hours, countless nights wondering what I did wrong, and what happened between us. It would really give me closure if you’d tell me what happened. It just feels like I fucked everything up or maybe it was you who did. I don’t know.
Everything reminds me of you and of this pain. Well, it reminds me of who I thought you were.
I really did care about you and I really did love you. It’s just all too much now and it hurts.