• Learning to love

    by  • January 2, 2018 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 1 Comment

    Here are my thoughts at a time when we’ve barely started seeing each other. Transitioning through the liminal phase between being casual lovers and partners, we are working our way through the phases of romance. I know that whatever happens will happen for the best. However, my mind is forming dreams of a future shared life.

    Your intellect excites me, your dedication to family inspires me, your love of nature’s gifts warms my heart. Your generalist attitude reminds me of a child’s curiosity while the content of your thoughts echo like the closing statements of a wise and seasoned debater. I feel myself falling in love with you. Your cringe-worthy puns, easy going attitude, and passionate opinions all add to the scores of things that make me smile.

    I worry about not being good enough for you, of somehow denying you better options. I know the bubbly endorphines of the honeymoon phase abound. Someday, your guarded past, selective procrastination, missed symbolic gestures, part-taking in casual drugs, or disbelief in empathy might bother me. Someday, perhaps you’ll stop seeming perfect.

    For now though, I dream of a future together. I’ve never before wanted children as badly as I do when I imagine you as a parent. I’ve never wanted to become part of a family as much as I do when I hear about yours. I’ve never believed in love at first sight until I remember first seeing you and hearing your voice. I lie awake at night, wondering if you feel the same way. I dream of you telling me you love me, and I crumple at the thought of loosing you. Ridiculous as it is, I would move mountains for you. I’d change, grow, improve, move, and work to be with you. I think I love you.

    I’m terrified that I’m a stop gap measure. Someone who will fill a space until the perfect person comes along. I know it’s early days and quite irrational, but I am scared and in love with you. You light up my world and hold my heart in your hands. I’m terrified that I’ve given you a gift that shows my own naïvety and youth. I worry that I’m being ridiculous and that my feelings aren’t true. I am in love with you.

    One Response to Learning to love

    1. Redstring
      January 3, 2018 at 9:54 am

      Well dudes named Pat have a habit of making women feel like this. I had my own Pat. I’m really just going to say save yourself the drama mama and boot his ass. He doesn’t and probably will never feel that. Kinda hard when you’re married.

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