Here are my thoughts at a time when we’ve barely started seeing each other. Transitioning through the liminal phase between being casual lovers and partners, we are working our way through the phases of romance. I know that whatever happens will happen for the best. However, my mind is forming dreams of a future shared life.
Your intellect excites me, your dedication to family inspires me, your love of nature’s gifts warms my heart. Your generalist attitude reminds me of a child’s curiosity while the content of your thoughts echo like the closing statements of a wise and seasoned debater. I feel myself falling in love with you. Your cringe-worthy puns, easy going attitude, and passionate opinions all add to the scores of things that make me smile.
I worry about not being good enough for you, of somehow denying you better options. I know the bubbly endorphines of the honeymoon phase abound. Someday, your guarded past, selective procrastination, missed symbolic gestures, part-taking in casual drugs, or disbelief in empathy might bother me. Someday, perhaps you’ll stop seeming perfect.
For now though, I dream of a future together. I’ve never before wanted children as badly as I do when I imagine you as a parent. I’ve never wanted to become part of a family as much as I do when I hear about yours. I’ve never believed in love at first sight until I remember first seeing you and hearing your voice. I lie awake at night, wondering if you feel the same way. I dream of you telling me you love me, and I crumple at the thought of loosing you. Ridiculous as it is, I would move mountains for you. I’d change, grow, improve, move, and work to be with you. I think I love you.
I’m terrified that I’m a stop gap measure. Someone who will fill a space until the perfect person comes along. I know it’s early days and quite irrational, but I am scared and in love with you. You light up my world and hold my heart in your hands. I’m terrified that I’ve given you a gift that shows my own naïvety and youth. I worry that I’m being ridiculous and that my feelings aren’t true. I am in love with you.