What will it hold in store?
Who cares? This new year is the chance to start something new. The chance to find my happiness. I learned lessons in 2017. I learned that I can’t look to anyone else for my happiness. I must create my own. I learned that I must and can control my heart by controlling my thoughts. Thoughts create the energy in all situations. I learned that it is really okay. Everything will always be okay. No matter what. I got my own back. As long as I have faith, things just seem to fall into place. Somehow. I have to trust that faith. And now that I have it back, I won’t let fear of failure or fear of pain rule me anymore. Why should I care what others think of me? Why should I care about people who dont care about me? Why waste that energy, when I can give it to myself?
Screw this. Screw my feelings. Screw my fears and doubts and insecurities. No one or nothing has power over me. I am my own power. People always let you down. Part of love, part of human relationships is pain and disappointment. And I don’t want it. I just don’t.
Someone who knows me has found this place. Someone has stalked me here. Someone has walked in here, my secret sanctuary where I can work through my issues and tried to cause me more torment and anguish. It doesn’t matter who it is. I don’t even care. I don’t feel safe here anymore. And I hate that my sanctuary has been tarnished and defiled. I never intended to hide, but I did need to work some stuff out on my own.
I don’t know if I will return in 2018 for that reason, but in case I do, be prepared. I do not hide here. I do not wear a mask here for the sake of being accepted by society or anyone. This is something I will work on bringing to reality in 2018, but will be a work in progress. Love me or hate me. Everyone is judgemental. So I don’t care anymore. I gotta do what’s right for me. Screw everyone else.
I have tried so hard to live my life with dignity, but I feel surrounded by demons who only wish to tear me apart, and unveil my darkness for the world to see and throw stones at. Well guess what? You can try. Go for it. I am not afraid anymore. That fear has been relocated and replaced by anger. I feel like I have been challenged to a duel. If it’s war you want, fight with yourself. I don’t have the desire. I am choosing to create my own peace within. I need no one. Everyone lets you down and then leaves. I have more important things in life to worry about. I’m taking back my power.
I wish you all the best in the times ahead. Good luck in life. May everyone find their own inner peace and happiness.