• It gets better

    by  • December 27, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    Dear you,

    You know who you are. It absolutely gets better. You think losing him is the end of the world? Let me tell you it’s not. I can assure you, it always gets better. I never wanted to listen to anyone when they told me that.

    I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. Yes, FIVE YEARS. Although he didn’t hit me, he controlled me. In every way shape and form. When I first started college and wanted to rush a sorority, he condemned it because they party. I did it anyway. However, at other times I wasn’t that strong. I remember my freshman year laying in my room alone because I wasn’t allowed to go out. Some of you may be saying, don’t tell him. He finds out. He always finds out. In fact, the year before I went to a party and didn’t tell him. He guessed my password on find my iPhone and showed up to the party. He publicly shamed me, and belittled me infant of my friends and loud enough for everyone inside the house to hear.

    My sophomore year I finally got the courage to try to break up with him. I lived an entire state away from him. He showed up outside my dorm and demanded I come down and break up with him to his face. So I did and he threw a fit, but it was fine. I would be fine. I had a few months of freedom. I got to see my family when I went home and got to do what I want. That didn’t go without the stalking though. When he knew I was home, typically around holidays, he stalked my work, my parent’s house and even my grandparent’s house. He would even follow me home from work. However, several months later and somehow we were back together. Blame my stupidity. Blame me for thinking people change.

    At first he definitely seemed different. He didn’t do many of the controlling things he used to. A few months into our relationship, I saw him slowly turning back into the person he used to be. He’d get angry and throw a fit when I didn’t want to have sex when I came home. He would throw a fit if I genuinely couldn’t come home because of sorority events (another reason he didn’t want me to join, it would take away time from me going home and seeing him). I remember sitting on his bedroom floor one night while he was asleep, crying and asking God if this is as good as it gets. If this is what I deserved and what I would have to deal with the rest of my life.

    As my senior year approached, I began thinking about my future and what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to go to Graduate school and he did not want me to do that. I wanted to stay in my little town. I grew to love it. He told me my dreams and goals weren’t realistic and what I wanted to do wasn’t an actual job. Hearing that broke me. It broke me more than I care to admit. I finally got the nerve to break it off, and although it hurt at first. It was for the best.

    I still don’t like to look back on the fact of how abusive he was. I don’t like to tell my friends or my family even though they all knew.

    Let me tell you how it gets better though. My best friend who hated my ex-boyfriend the most texted me and told me she had the perfect guy for me. I agreed to go on a blind date with her and her boyfriend and the guy in question. I went on that date only three weeks after breaking up with my ex. Some may call that cruel, but I had been over our relationship before it was over. Getting out was the hard part. I have never met a more genuine guy.

    We started hanging out more and more as months passed. He is kind and loving. He cares and he listens to me. He opens doors and brings me breakfast in bed.

    We have been together for 7 months now. I told him I loved him for the first time yesterday and never have I ever met a man more worthy of my love.

    So I am here to tell you, it gets better. Do not settle for a guy who doesn’t deserve you. There is always a worthy guy out there. Maybe your best friend doesn’t know him, but he’ll come.

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