• 10 years

    by  • December 22, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    The last time we saw each other was in Rubidoux Ca. I was with my now ex husband, and my dog. You and I had to act like there was never any chemistry between us. The awkward hug was the worst. Any time we were together, the electricity between us was so thick you could see it. Trying to hide that….it was the worst thing I had to do at the time. 10 years have passed since you and I were…well…you and I. We are always together. Never a dull moment. Almost always happy. There were days that weren’t so happy. You could see the sadness in my eyes, but I’m not sure you ever knew that I could see the regret and sadness in yours. Just like last night. You were so happy the entire call….until she called. Your whole personality changed. The sadness and regret were thick in every letter of our goodbye. I haven’t cried myself to sleep in years…..that is, until last night. You searched for me for 10 years, and finally found me on 12-14-17 at 8:15pm. I never thought I would hear your voice again. Never thought I would see your face again. I hadn’t realized that I locked away the feelings I had for you all those years ago. Locked away most of the memories. Locked them so far back in my memories, that I forgot some. You helped me remember though. You broke that lock the second I heard your voice. It all came rushing back. The feelings came back 10 fold. The memories refuse to stop playing. They are on a constant loop. I close my eyes and I can see your face. The sparkle in your eyes every time I walked up. The smile that covered your face. The spark in every touch we shared. In the days since you found me, we have video chatted a couple times. You still get that sparkle in your eyes. The face covering smile…I can feel the love you still carry in your heart for me from 2,628 miles away. I also know that your heart is breaking as much as mine right now because of the distance. The circumstances. If you’d have found me 3 months ago, she wouldn’t be in your life. There wouldn’t have been tears last night. I wouldn’t have had to lie to you and tell you I wasn’t sad. I miss you so much, my heart threatens to break as I type this. Every letter punched, is another crack. I want to tell you I love you. Tell you that things will work out how they are supposed to in the end. Even if we aren’t supposed to be together. Everything happens for a reason my dear. If I was closer, things would be different. I can’t go back there though. California will always be where I am from. You will always be half my home, and my daughter will always be the other half of my home. Home has never been a place for me, but a person. I am split between two coasts, never to be fully at home because she is here and you are there. We are doomed to forever be in this strange place between friends and lovers….

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