I wanted to write because it doesn’t seem like we are ever going to talk. I think that’s shitty, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected more. I don’t blame you entirely, seeing as how I’ve been equally complicit in avoiding ever talking about anything real with you. I’ve made this mistake before, so I should have known better, but I also know that I don’t like conflict and sometimes it seems easy to just keep a good thing the way it is.
I wanted to talk because I wanted some resolution to my confusion, and because I still wanted to be your friend. I’m slightly confused, not because I don’t have a good sense of the factors at play (I imagine I do), but because you made a pretty sudden shift in your behavior toward me over the course of a day. Unless you lost attraction to me, I imagine your weirdness had more to do with this situation getting complicated.
For what it’s worth, and I realize I’m also not great at communication, I never wanted more from you. I’m the first to admit that I’m fairly needy physically/sexually but the reason I wanted to sleep with you was largely because you were emotionally unavailable. I’ve been an emotional wreck for the past seven or so months, and I used you as, for lack of a better word, a Band-Aid to help get through some of those months. I imagine you used me similarly. It helps that I’m attracted to you and think you’re fun to be around. But I always knew this wouldn’t be more than friends sleeping together.
I imagine I added to some of the complexity, but I resent my/our friends for making things more complicated. I realize that I’m not a super discreet person, but I tried my best to be pretty low-key about you, and they continually made that impossible. For that, I don’t know what the solution is other than to avoid 24-year old friends who have nothing better to do with their lives than meddle with other people’s.
I do wish you had talked to me, as I don’t think it’s very nice to have a thing with someone one day and then ignore them the next. I use the word “thing” loosely, but if you sleep with someone consistently for a number of months, I think you can concede that there is, at the very least, a thing, however casual and informal that is. Sure, there are no rules and commitments, but there is the expectation that you will be mature and respectful and end things when you’ve moved on. I wish I was cool enough to pretend that you didn’t hurt me, but you obviously did, and I sort of think you should know that.
PS your ex is way too good for you