• Happy

    by  • December 20, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Hope • 0 Comments

    I don’t what I feel anymore. I’m happy I think. Things have gone well. Not exactly as I planned butility I can say with certainty that I’ve loved the last 3 months…
    But that hasn’t stopped me cutting. Or suicidal thoughts. I don’t really know how to deal with feeling happy without thinking it isn’t going to last or its too good to be true. I think I’ve just got used to feeling shit. So when I put on weight or start stressing about work and I worry, I feel comforted by that fact that not everything is good!
    I’ve forgotten how to be happy with no strings attached. I have no belief in my will power. Im not saying that to get sympathy though. It’s just an observation. I want to believe I can create a life for myself where I can be happy. Have people around me that make me happy and I can make them happy. It’s a gradual process I know but I guess I just want that end result. Without all this second guessing and doubleverything checking and pulling myself back down. Don’t get too happy it wont last….
    I’ll get there is know but its hard

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